Asking Eric: Readers respond to older adults looking for connection

Dear Readers: On September 23, I published two letters from older adults experiencing loneliness (“Still Grieving” and “Wanting Connection”). I asked those of you who have successfully found a connection later in life to write.

And write what you did! I’ve received so many wonderful emails full of anecdotes and suggestions that I’ll split them into two columns. Some today and some next Saturday, November 9th. We hope they inspire new connections at any stage of life.

Dear Eric: I left a 35 year marriage, retired and moved to a new city. Over the course of a year, I attended every fundraising event held by a local non-profit to determine “who are my people?” At a fundraiser for our local music venue, I went into the photo booth to take a photo. To my surprise, the photographer, who was also recently divorced and new to town, was captivated by my smile. These were eight happy years when we discovered this area together.

– Unexpected profit

Dear Unexpected: “Who are my people?” this is such an important question! I like this way of finding them.

Dear Eric: “Still Grieving” stated that he is a secular humanist, so the church is not discussed. Not at all like that! The Unitarian Universalist Church has no theology, no belief in anything, and supports every member on whatever spiritual path they are (or are not) on. No Bible readings, no hymns about love, support and nature, but not about God. There are atheists, Buddhists, humanists, agnostics, earth spiritualists, people simply looking for community.

– UU Community

Dear UU: Good idea. Many Unitarians approached me.

Dear Eric: A month after the death of my dear dog, I felt that I urgently needed another dog. One day, after I adopted my new dog, I went to a city and county website to post events. The first post I saw was: “Looking for a puppy for my puppy to play with.” Long story short, the woman had a dog of the same breed that was a month older than mine and lived within walking distance of my house. From then on, all four of us became best friends. I’m sure my dog ​​and my friend were heaven sent.

– Doggy pleasure

Dear Joy: Pets can provide us with wonderful company and also connect us with other people.

Dear Eric: When we were in our 70s, my husband and I moved into a self-contained apartment in a 400-person retirement community with lecture series, music programs (mostly classical), and a variety of activities ranging from climate action to painting, sports, and poker.

– Aging is good

Dear Aging Well: Many have written about the many benefits of their retirement community, as well as organizations like the Village Movement for Single Seniors.

Dear Eric: There are senior centers in almost every city, and here in Colorado their member directories are filled with opportunities. I started line dancing and met a lot of new friends! Our seniors sign up for hikes, trips to so many local places, events, plays, and restaurants that it would take me 40 pages to list them all. Get out of the house and out of your comfort zone.

– Always active

Dear Always Active: Dancing came up in many of the responses, especially square dancing and line dancing. People enjoy the opportunity to meet people and the mental acuity benefits.

Dear Eric: I decided to try an online dating site for seniors. Coincidentally, my now husband was on the same dating site even though he was over 900 miles away in another state. Despite the physical distance, each of us felt a connection that was strengthened by regular emails. We actually bought our current home together before we even met in person, just six weeks after our first letter. We “saw” each other when we Skyped nightly and exchanged emails regularly. Finally, after three months, he packed up his van and we moved in together. This was three years ago. I’m 85 now and he’s 84. Yesterday we bought a new car together, which may be our very last car, but that’s okay because the future is now, not someday.

– Overcoming the distance

Dear Crossing: What a wonderful feeling. Finding connections through internet sites – many people have also talked about this. Match.com – turned out to be the key for many people.

Dear Eric: Last winter I took a film developing class in college. By age, everyone in the class could be my grandchildren. It was fun to be around young people. One in particular, a high school senior, immediately introduced herself to me and we bonded over photography and writing. She moved her seat next to mine. Nine months later, when classes are long over, we are still friends.

– Development of friendship

Dear Friendship: I love it – lifelong learning and intergenerational friendships.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him at Instagram and subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.