Introducing PS Sex Advice Column from Michelle Hope

Before I ask you to dive into my PS sex column, let me give you a little backstory—how exactly did I, Michelle Hope, become a sex therapist? Buckle up, because this ride has a few twists and turns and more than one awkward detour.

I was born in the 80s, a biracial black girl, raised in Lafayette, Indiana by my white, lesbian, feminist mother. Indiana isn’t exactly known as the most progressive place, especially with its rich history of racism and homophobia. My mom, a closeted lesbian, kept her sexuality a secret to keep us safe, which made me not understand why the loving community I was a part of had to be hidden like some dirty little secret. And this, my friends, is where my passion for unapologetic truth and justice began.

In many ways, I also grew up in a closet. My mom’s activism gay rights was loud and proud in some places, but subdued in others. This duality taught me early on the importance of standing 10 toes in your truth, even when society doesn’t quite support you. And then there was biracial thing – I was a curiosity to both blacks and whites. Rejected by both, I became fascinated with race relations.

Middle and high school presented me with another challenge: hypersexualization and fetishization that led me into dangerous situations for which I was completely unprepared. The ’90s brought the sexual revolution with shows like The Dr. Ruth Show.Sex and the City” and “Loveline,” which made sex the topic of the dinner table. But in Indiana? We had no real sex education—just whispers and rumors. By the time I was labeled a “slut” due to some rumors in high school, I was leaning towards it. The deck was stacked against me, so why not?

High school was no better. After surviving sexual assault, I realized that my only value was my sex appeal. I almost failed when I realized college wasn’t going to happen to me. So, on my 18th birthday, I auditioned to be a dancer at a strip club—and never looked back. I danced, performed burlesque and go-go in gay bars for seven years. Oh, the stories I could tell! But this job gave me the financial freedom to leave Indiana at 19, move to Los Angeles and pursue my wildest dreams—something between Carrie Bradshaw and the black Dr. Ruth. Eleven years in Los Angeles taught me a lot about sexuality (hello, co-op research!), earned me a master’s degree in human development, and prepared me for my next chapter: New York City.

I took a job at a large nonprofit in upper Manhattan, where I saw first-hand how sexuality impacted the lives of my students. There weren’t enough resources to support them, so I advocated for sexuality education programs. In 2015, I piloted the program with three high school classes and by 2017 expanded it to cover the entire organization.

By the end of 2019, I realized that I had reached the ceiling in my career. I spent years honing my skills as a sexologist,” he wrote, “Girls’ Guide to Sex Education(which resonated with adult women as well), television appearances, and a TEDx talk entitled “Sexuality: Pleasure, Privilege, and the Power of Reproductive Justice”

In early 2020, I joined the Bloomberg campaign. It was a short period of time, but boy did the political bug bite hard. For the first time, I wasn’t just talking about wholesale change—I saw a chance to influence sexuality education and reproductive rights policy on a national level. I was hooked.

Then, three months later, the world turned upside down. The pandemic started and then uprising for racial justice after the murder of George Floyd. Suddenly the streets of New York City were filled with protests, and I found myself teaming up with incredible activists to shut down an already closed city. It was a moment filled with pain, anger and solidarity—a turning point for me both personally and professionally.

While others were thriving online, I was combining my commitment to the racial justice movement with my desire to become a famous sex therapist through @MHSexpert. But something was wrong. My content wasn’t as interesting as it used to be and I started to feel disconnected from the spark that had always fueled me. The pandemic also silenced me for the first time in years. In that silence, I healed parts of myself that I didn’t even know were hurt. I realized that my desire to become a star was rooted in a deeper need for recognition that I had longed for since childhood.

By the summer of 2022, it became clear that my time in New York had run out. I turned 40 and left the city that had so much defined my journey. Then, fall of Roe v. Wade sent me inside again. How could I advocate for sexual liberation when much of that freedom seemed to be being taken away?

This period of reflection was difficult. But for me, it solidified one thing: I was not going to sit quietly while forces tried to take us back to a time when only white men had power. Today, I continue to work as the Director of Social Impact and Strategic Communications for a national advocacy organization that advocates for lifelong sex education. My mission is to educate the public and legislators about the importance of protecting reproductive rights and freedoms. And let me tell you, education is just the beginning.

So now you know a little about how I got here. I’m back stronger, more focused and more determined than ever. My mission has not changed: to create a world where sexual knowledge, freedom and autonomy are available to everyone. This column? It will be a wild ride, but also a wise one. From situational situations to full-blown sex parties, from polyamory to perimenopause, from belting to abandonment, I’ve been through it all. Throughout my career, I have been passionate about the ethnography of sexuality, conducting participatory research one situation at a time. Now I’m here to help you walk the path to sexual freedom. And I want to help show you what’s at stake when it comes to sex outside the bedroom – how we can make sense of everything from menopause to male dysfunction.

Send me your questions here! Believe me, after 15+ years of working as a sexologist, there is nothing I have not heard and not a single experience that I have not used in my own research together. I’m willing to spill the tea if it makes you feel more powerful, less lonely, and leads to better orgasms.

Let’s do it!

Michelle Hope (she/they) is your go-to expert on all things sex, love and modern relationships. Michelle, a sex therapist, writer, and reproductive justice and sexual health advocate, brings her deep knowledge and extensive practical experience to every conversation. Whether it’s breaking down barriers in conversation or pushing the boundaries of social norms, her approach is provocative, educational and never for the faint of heart. Exploring the intersection of identity and desire, Michelle is here to shake up your thinking, one bold truth at a time. Michelle is a member of the PS Board.