Ask Eric: Choir member’s cologne made one singer sob on Sunday

DEAR ERIC: I volunteer in a church choir. Because I can sight sing, have a background in music, and can sing alto, the music director likes me to come.

For me, singing is “work” and not “fun”, but the music director is very nice and the choristers are very nice and kind people.

What I don’t like is that one of the new members wears very strong cologne and I’m allergic to it. If I forget to take my allergy pill before church, I end up coughing the entire service and singing about a quarter notes. If I remember an allergy pill, I don’t cough and can only sing half the notes because her cologne is bad for my breath anyway.

If she (the cologne user) were my friend, I might go up to her and say, “Stop smelling, it makes me sick.” But she is my friend, and I don’t know her well enough to say so directly. Moreover, she is from a different country and culture and, as an immigrant, deserves our respect and acceptance.

The choir director sent out an email asking people not to wear cologne because others have allergies or sensitivities. No result. If it were up to me, I would simply stop going to church and spend Sunday mornings watching talking heads on TV, which is my idea of a perfect Sunday morning. But this is a solution for the lazy hedonist. Any suggestions on how to tell her not to wear cologne in a tactful and non-confrontational way?

– Sunday Sniffles

DEAR SUNDAY: If the sandalwood and bergamot notes in her cologne drown out your high notes, that’s a whole choir problem. So, you have to bring that back into the organization. chart (an octave higher?).

Inform the Music Director that for health and performance reasons, you will not be able to continue volunteering unless the strong odors are addressed. The director probably appreciates your presence and should be able to find a harmonious balance here.

Directly asking another choir member not to wear cologne can drag you into interpersonal drama. Whereas the music director can talk to her one on one and present it as what the band needs for everyone involved to be successful.

If the director can’t or doesn’t want to, there’s no need to torture yourself for your work. Stay home and enjoy talking heads.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him at Instagram and subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)