5 Questions That Will Change the Entire Trajectory of Your Divorce, According to Psychologists | Catherine Behan

When a relationship goes bad, you know it. The intense chemistry you once had with your partner has changed, and you spend more time not talking than talking. It’s not bad, but it’s definitely not good.

Have you ever stayed in a relationship just for something? Staying for something is a common choice, and the examples above are real stories about why people decide to stay in a relationship. Are you in a “stay or leave” situation? Would you like some psychic wisdom to tell you what to do next and what consequences divorce might have for you?

Here are 5 tough questions that will change the trajectory of your divorce:

1. Do you still have chemo?

If the chemo is over, how do you feel about it? Do you miss intimacy? According to a 2018 study15% of marriages unfortunately lacks real intimacy.

Believe it or not, some people don’t miss intimacy. It may be hard for you to believe, but in modern marriages any compromise works.

If the chemistry is dead, is there anything still worthwhile in the relationship? Is your partner open to you seeking satisfaction elsewhere? Can you talk about this?

Lack of chemistry and intimacy does not automatically disqualify your man. There are also things you can do to bring back the passion in a relationship that seems dead.

2. Are you sociable?

Don't get divorced until you can answer these tough questions honestly. Short Films / Pexels

If you and your man have many common interests and enjoy doing things together, and this is of great value. Having a companion who enjoys spending time with you may not be the same as intense intimacy every night, but for many people it’s enough.

According to the Pew Research Center64% of married Americans believe that having common interests is very important to a successful marriage.

Look for signs of friendship with your current partner. List things you like to do together. If some of your interests are dormant, wake them up!

See if you enjoy his company by doing what you did at the beginning of your relationship. If you don’t enjoy being together, it may be a sign that things are going wrong in your relationship and you may need to address it.

3. Are you at home at home?

If you feel comfortable in your environment and free to express yourself at home through music, art and food, you have something very valuable. Some people tell me that they are bored because there are not enough fireworks and excitement. Comfort in a relationship can even be good for your health. 2017 study found that people in committed relationships have a lower risk of cardiovascular disease.

I get it, but you can always take a skydiving lesson or go to an improv class if you want to get your adrenaline pumping.

Be very careful about what you call boring. Living in peace with another person can be extremely satisfying if you free that person from the responsibility of providing you with the juice that makes your heart beat. Peace with your partner can truly bring passion into your life.

4. Do you have a passion?

Don't get divorced until you can answer these tough questions honestly. byzce/Pexels

Seriously. What is your passion besides romance? Do you have a charity that you support? Having passion Harvard University research confirmscan help increase motivation, improve concentration and make your life happier.

My hubby volunteers with cats at a shelter, socializing kittens and getting them ready for adoption. Many others find a lot of pleasure and love in animals because they are much easier to love than people!

You need passion. Before ending a relationship, try to find a passion outside of your current interests. Devote yourself to something that feeds your soul.

What hobby did you enjoy 20 years ago? Why did you leave? Your partner is most likely stressed because you need him to be your everything.

5. How much will you have to lose?

This is a serious topic and sometimes the loss of items can be significant. When I got divorced, my friend told me, “I can never do what you do. I’ll lose too much.”

Sometimes life’s circumstances keep you stuck longer than they should be. No one can tell you how happy you are or how happy you should be.

All I can tell you is that once you turn 50, you need to be extremely careful before you move on. If you live comfortably, know how to communicate and have a good enough communication system, there is one more thing you need to know in order to stay… at least for now. Research 2018 confirms that people have a lot to lose in divorce, such as wealth, overall social network, and even housing connections.

If you and your partner are thinking about breaking up, it’s serious for both of you. The only ingredient I think is needed to make it work is collaboration.

Webster defines collaboration as “working with another person on a joint project.” Without cooperation there is there is little chance that your relationship will last long.

You have a joint project, whether you like it or not. A joint project is your pairing, as you define it. Review the five keys and make a date to seriously consider your current situation. If you still want to create something that will work with your partner, again commit to letting him know.

If you need to, talk to a coach, mentor, pastor, or good friend. Make a plan to convince your partner that working together to jumpstart your flagging relationship is your number one priority, and then act on that plan.

Catherine Behan is a highly educated dating coach, freelance writer, and editor. She currently works as a Law of Attraction and Success coach and uses her experience in EFT to help people attract abundance into their lives.