I’m an introvert and my husband is an extrovert; It almost tore us apart

• When we first started dating, my husband and I moved in together pretty quickly.
• He liked to invite friends and party until the early hours because he is an extrovert.
• Being an introvert, I argued with him a lot until we learned to compromise.

My husband I started out as a friend who I would never have met if not for the strict quarantine due to the pandemic. He was a digital nomad before the pandemic anchored him in the city and gave us the chance to fall in love.

A few months later we received apartment together. It was a blissful start, especially since we were both happier than we had expected. The world closed down and it was just the two of us. We only had to remain as a couple in a public place when lockdown restrictions eased.

My husband extrovert. When we were just friends, I appreciated how he showed up at birthdays and weekends; he was the life of the party. However, being his girlfriend, I saw the other side. He went to parties several nights a week, often returning late at night. He seemed unable to refuse an invitation, sometimes for the sake of both of us.

Coming out of the pandemic, I first took every chance to get out and free myself. But I couldn’t keep up with his cool parties. social circle. Although all his friends were older than me, married and had children, they met every weekend.

My husband’s former bachelor pad was a popular place for these gatherings until I came along. I soon discovered that I could not continue playing hostess until 4am. I’m an introvert – someone who usually prefers a low-key get-together with a few close friends or a night out alone. I like routine and conversation, and I’m not a big drinker. In short, parties are generally not where I shine.

So, my current husband and I ran into problems.

I wondered if we were incompatible

Even when I enjoy a big social event, I’m tired afterwards and need time to recover. On the other hand, my husband’s weekend wildness set him up for a disciplined routine throughout the week. Oddly enough, late nights fueled him early morning running and meditation. The frivolous behavior I loved was maintained by regular release of steam.

However, I wasn’t sure the trade-off was worth it. Its restless social life made me feel uncomfortable in my home, a sacred space for an introvert. I didn’t want to be the reason his friends couldn’t come, but I was tired of the same old drunken parties where I was the only one sober.

Dealing with extroverted partner That was one thing, but going up against an entire group seemed like a losing battle. It was also a fast track to being disliked by many of my boyfriend’s closest and dearest friends—a nightmare for any budding relationship.

Social tensions did not concern only one direction. My friends They usually met to play board games and drink kombucha and hard seltzer. My boyfriend’s eyes grew dull from these muted affairs, and he did not hide it. I was frustrated by his all-or-nothing approach to communication.

Similar stories

I realized that I couldn’t imagine a future in which I was on edge every time we spent time with others. introvert-extrovert the division has become existential.

We found a balance across borders

Setting boundaries it wasn’t quick and easy; this delayed our engagement for almost a year. We knew we couldn’t move forward without creating harmony among all the people we loved.

After difficult conversations and compromises, my husband now only goes out on weekends and I rarely join him. We are comfortable leading a separate social life. His friends realized that my reluctance to have fun was not a rejection of them and that sometimes serious conversation good for the soul. My friends accepted that my husband might drunkenly cut their birthday cake (true story), but he would also be the first to help them get out of a jam.

Inevitably, my husband and I appreciate each other more, too. I’ve learned that all it takes to throw a great party is a generous spirit. Now he leaves events early, preferring to watch a true crime documentary with me and our cats. Balancing the introvert/extrovert equation motivated us both to change for the better.