8 Ways to Be Incredibly Charming in Text and 8 Mistakes to Avoid at All Costs | Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford

When you’re trying to be charming in text messages, the first thing to remember is that the person you like is a real person, unique and valuable. Too many people approach someone they like with the goal of conquering or getting something. It’s a losing strategy that ends up hurting people. But there are still strategies that can help.

Keeping in mind that they are unique and the best way to start is with individuality. Listen to them, pay attention to what they say, and back off if you get signals that they don’t like you.

Eight Dos and Don’ts for Being Charming When Texting

1. Be funny

Everyone loves to laugh.

Don’t be sarcastic, sarcastic or harsh.

Not everyone enjoys this type of humor and some people will find it rude or offensive, e.g. suggested by a study in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

2. Be open

Be real, be yourself and open up.

Don’t be whiny or pathetic.

It’s very nice to worry and cry. People love it when you’re willing to show your soft side, but if you don’t know them well, now is not the time. be super vulnerable.

3. Ask questions

She looks at her phone uncertainly fizkes via Shutterstock

We all want to correspond with someone who is interested in us.

Don’t question them.

Ask them so many questions that they will feel like they are in a job interview or being interrogated for a crime.

4. Send pictures of your face

If you use Snapchat, send a photo of your face. You can act silly or try to be nice, but go for it. The body language in your selfies speaks volumes. learning to take a great selfie goes a long way.

Don’t send inappropriate photos.

Not only is this inappropriate when you first meet someone, but even if you know them well and are flirting, you need to ask before sending anything that could be considered inappropriate or personal.

5. Flirt

A study published Cyberpsychology, behavior and social networks demonstrates If you get signals that the person you like feels the same way, be sure to flirt with him.

Don’t send offensive messages.

It’s too early. They won’t hate you for being nice, but they might hate you for jumping into something more intimate before they’re ready. They may think that you only see them as someone you want to get to know and not as a potential partner.

6. Message them regularly

After your first text conversation or instant session, stay tuned and regularly see what they’re up to. Something casual every day is reasonable as long as they respond positively.

Don’t chase them.

Maintain a general text to anchor ratio of 1:1. That is, if you send them one message and they respond with one, everything is fine. If you write one thing to them and they don’t answerso you write another message, and then another, and you get 3:0 – and that’s a bad ratio. Not attractive.

7. Wait to read their messages until you have time to respond thoughtfully.

You don’t want to rush into responding or, worse, forget to respond altogether.

Don’t leave them to read.

If they see that you read their message or private message or looked at their snapshot but didn’t respond, that’s very rude. Most people leave someone to read it means you don’t like them at all.

8. Make plans

Paired heart-shaped messages coming from phones Pixel shot via Shutterstock

If they show interest, be sure to make plans together and share date ideas. This usually happens after you’ve sent a text message or taken a photo and used FaceTimed, but you can ask them over text if that works for you (or if you’re older/don’t use FaceTime or Snapchat often).

Don’t force them to meet face to face.

Everyone moves at their own speed, and there are many reasons why they may not be ready for personal hanging. Make the invitation random and see how they react, then decline it if they aren’t enthusiastic.

A few common questions I get about texting someone new.

Text message, DM or Snapchat?

Reach out to them wherever you see them posting regularly, and don’t download an app you don’t already use just to talk to someone you like. Follow what makes sense to you. If you communicate with them mainly on Instagram, send a message to Direct.

Doing something outside of your character or normal routine will make you seem desperate, as research on authenticity and romantic relationship functioning suggests. published in Journal of Personality and Individual Differences.

When should I tell someone I like them?

Wait until you feel like they at least think you’re a cool friend. Watch them receive unromantic compliments. Giving romantic compliments is risky, but when the time is right, it’s worth it.

Can I take a screenshot of selfies or text messages to save them?

In general, no. Once you two are really flirty bantering and taking selfies/photos, you can ask them, “Hey, that’s so cute, can I take a screenshot of it?” Just don’t send screenshots to anyone else. This is completely inappropriate and violates privacy. It’s also a great way to get someone to never talk to you again.

Is it possible to send long texts?

It’s always good to write short and sweet first and then follow suit. If they send you long paragraphs, that’s cool. A S. Luo’s research helps explain Why. If they don’t send a long message back, you may seem a little pushy or self-absorbed if you go on for long.

How long should I wait before responding?

She smiles at the phone and twirls her hair in her fingers. insta_photos via Shutterstock

Most people have their phones with them all the time, so it’s not weird to answer right away. You don’t have to follow some rules about long wait times, like when you waited three days to call back. But it also doesn’t hurt to wait a little while before responding if you’re busy.

Just don’t leave them to read!

Is there a certain amount of time required before texting again?

If you’ve had a good chat via text and then said goodbye, it’s a good idea to wait until the next day and check in again to be friendly. There’s no set of rules, but daily check-ins aren’t that unusual, and if it feels natural and they respond well to it, that’s cool. If they seem to be losing interest, wait longer.

Let’s hope all these tips and steps on how to text a person helped.

Just remember: the most important thing is to be sincere, kind and respectful, and then let things take their course.

Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford is a psychologist specializing in relationships, dating and personality issues, as well as a certified Diplomatic Relationship Specialist and expert American Psychotherapy Association.