How to give up the desire to take full control of your business

It’s natural for business owners to want to control every element of our organization. After all, control is part of human nature. study noted, “Evidence from animal studies, clinical studies, and neuroimaging studies suggests that the need for control is a biological imperative for survival.”

A certain level of control over your business is required. You can’t just step aside completely and not participate in how it works. I learned the hard way that giving up too much control backfires and leads to failure. Give up too much control and responsibility can fall on the shoulders of people who shouldn’t have it. But the opposite side of the spectrum—trying to constantly control every element of your business—is just as bad in my opinion. When you’re constantly trying to control every detail of your business, your employees are less likely to have the space they need to do their jobs well. In turn, your business may suffer. The key is the balance between taking control and giving up control.

Let me be clear: I am not a mental health professional. I approach this topic with my own observations and experiences. In trying to unlearn my lack of control, I had to navigate without ending up on the other side of the spectrum. For me, finding that golden mean is still work. Key lesson I learned from 12 step community where I come from is: We can’t control everything, but we can control our behavior.

If you’re a business owner and you’ve fallen too far on the control spectrum, there are a few steps you can take to change course and find a middle ground. The goal should not be to run a chaotic business. I don’t believe chaos is the opposite of control. Rather, I believe that not needing control is the opposite of control, and that should be the goal.

1. Assess your tendencies

In my opinion, the first step to giving up the desire to always be in complete control of the situation is to evaluate your tendencies. In my experience, the “checklist” of how control typically manifests itself in business is the need to always be right, implement only your ideas, impose your way of doing things on others, and react emotionally to situations.

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On the contrary, I have found that people who do not need total control operate differently in the business world. They don’t have big ego. They are good listeners who value people’s opinions and understand that their way of doing things is not necessarily the right way. They value the contributions of others and are not threatened by differing opinions.

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You can evaluate your tendencies by self-reflecting, talking to trusted friends and family members, confiding in a mentor, or discussing the situation with a therapist.

2. Get to the core of your need for control.

I believe that after you have assessed your tendencies, you should look into your need for control. According to Psychcentral“The desire for control may be rooted in a fear of uncertainty.” Moreover, therapist Noel McWard wrote V Psychology today: “Control, or rather the desire to have control, is a form of anxiety. It is rooted in the default and often unconscious belief or feeling that “I will not be okay” or “Everything will not be okay.”

Look inside yourself to discover what may be behind your need for control. As in the previous step, you can also talk to trusted friends and family members, talk to a mentor, or discuss issues with a therapist. You may realize that you want to control a situation because you are worried about your reputation or are afraid of failure. Whatever the reason, it’s important to understand it and accept that it’s okay to feel what you feel, but trying to gain more control isn’t necessarily the answer.

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3. Start losing control of the situation and realize that change takes time.

The last step is to lower the priority of taking control. Easier said than done, but I believe small steps can make a big difference. For example, if you typically say no to ideas your employees propose, you can make a mental note not to immediately react to ideas when you hear them, but instead to simply listen. Or, if you realize that you tend to want your team members to approach specific tasks your way, you may decide to take a step back (starting with one task) and see the results of how your employees solve problems in their own way.

As you try to make changes, consider seeking outside help, such as a mentor or therapist, to help you through the process. Also, remember that change takes time. It is impossible to go from wanting to be in complete control of a situation all the time to finding the balance between too much and too little control overnight. But little by little, you can make changes that I think will make you and your team happier and more productive in the long run.