11 subtle traits of people who are difficult to get along with

Everyone has preferences, strengths, and expectations for friends and partners, and it’s only human nature that not everyone will be able to “click” and develop good connections. However, some people struggle to maintain any type of healthy relationshipand most often this is because they harbor subtle traits of people who are fundamentally difficult to get along with.

According to study from the Journal of Personality AssessmentMany of these negative personality traits are inherently intertwined with insecurities caused by an unfulfilled desire for social stability and emotional security. Although their outer traits are noticeable and often irritating to others, they are associated with internal conflict, making them inherently difficult to acknowledge, resolve, and heal.

Here are 11 subtle traits of people who are difficult to get along with:

1. They have a transactional relationship.

A couple is quarreling and looking irritated. garette workshop | Shutterstock.com

Although experts have primarily studied and researched transactional relationships, their presence in our lives can be subtle and difficult to acknowledge, especially in our developed relationships. They come in uncomfortably small forms, from figurative comments on conversations to literal Venmo requests from friends.

These types of relationships can be both emotionally and physically draining, as they often cultivate the same stress and anxiety as business interactions not friendship or partnership.

2. They are jealous

Envious woman looks upset on her phone. Suthida Fensri | Shutterstock.com

Envy is a complex and deeply rooted experience that manifests itself not only in insecurities and complex internal emotions, but also randomly in everyday life. While it may seem personal during fleeting interactions or frustrating conflicts with people in our lives, it is actually a reflection of someone’s comfort in their own personality, as investigation from the Journal of Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy explains eloquently.

The cunning of envious people in everyday life can manifest itself in different ways depending on the relationship. However, these people will usually put you down in front of others, deliberately give you bad advice, or even accuse you of “injustice” just to be yourself and share your achievements, feelings and experiences.

3. All about them

The woman looks upset and upset on the sofa. Bagus production | Shutterstock.com

Attention-seeking behavior is one of the most subtle personality traits that people find difficult to live with, as it is rooted in personal discomfort, trauma, and insecurities that many have struggled with their entire lives. They can be difficult to deal with externally and difficult to unlearn personally.

Many people find these narcissistic tendencies confusing. They are meant for self-improvement, otherwise known as protection from negative views from others. study from the European Social Psychology Review explains. Ironically, their attempts at self-preservation in the public eye only harm their perception of others, making it difficult to maintain healthy connections.

4. They get upset easily during arguments.

A couple is quarreling at home. SrdjanVrebac | Shutterstock.com

Other subtle traits of people who are difficult to get along with revolve around a confusing sense of self-identity. Many insecure people spend most of their time “in a mask”, constantly protecting themselves from judgment and external opinion, but unintentionally damaging their own emotional intelligence.

Psychologist Nick Vinall says that people with healthy emotional intelligence will evaluate other people’s emotions without question. However, people who are difficult to please and communicate with often immediately resort to criticism. They fear vulnerability because they mistakenly associate it with inferiority, and resort to frustration when encouraged to suppress or invalidate emotions.

5. They expect emotional support but never give it.

The woman looks upset at her desk. Yulia Zavalishina | Shutterstock.com

How life coach Christy Whitman explains“emotional vampires” are always more focused on their own emotional needs and desires than on others. Even if you are looking for support or desperate to be listened to, they will find ways to talk about them.

These are the people who constantly fight harder, work harder, and get hurt more than everyone else around them, and they will find ways to make sure you know it. They deserve emotional validation and support just like everyone else. However, their constant need for attention is associated with their dependence on transactional relationships feel in control of your connections.

6. They seem to know everything about everything.

The woman looks annoyed while her partner talks. Fizkes | Shutterstock.com

Although attention-seeking behavior is a largely under-researched and misunderstood psychological phenomenon, it often manifests itself in everyday life, e.g. British Psychological Society study argues. One of these subtle traits of people who are difficult to get along with is the tendency to misrepresent their knowledge and skills in order to impress others.

It is often a means of maintaining control over conversations and connections. Such people assert their dominance by pretending that they know everything and are “inherently better” than others in their lives. This behavior is just as frustrating and annoying. The gap in sincerity is constantly widening between many relationships.

7. They are always working or talking about work.

The man looks tired and looks at his laptop. Inside the creative house | Shutterstock.com

According to Elliot D. Cohen, founder of the International Journal of Applied Philosophy, blog series “Psychology Today”People who complain a lot about work often ruminate on negative thoughts and complaints as a means of emotionally validating their struggles.

They want to appear more important and busy in order to maintain authority in their relationships, and for many, this means they paint a picture of their professional life that is likely fabricated.

If it’s not cycle of obsessive thoughtsthey may complain as a means of social communication, but for people who are difficult to get along with, it is often more harmful to connections than helpful.

8. They are always touching you or your space.

A woman feels uncomfortable while a man is talking to her. VBMUL | Shutterstock.com

Many people feel unheard, unsupported, and disrespected by powerful people, especially when they feel in control of their physical space and emotional energy.

By overstepping boundaries and reasonable social expectations for communication, these people will not only invade your emotional well-being with negative thoughts and unhealthy conversations, but also your personal space through physical affection or toxic body language.

A study from the Journal of Psychoanalytic Psychology explains that these kinds of rights can be a defense mechanism for many people, protecting them from forced vulnerability and difficult emotions in social situations. Instead of dealing with their discomfort, they force others to endure it, preventing them from enjoying their company.

9. They complain constantly

A man complains to his partner at home. Dean Drobot | Shutterstock.com

Interacting with someone who relies on gossip or complaining to communicate with others can be emotionally draining, making it difficult to connect and develop healthy relationships.

Although this is often a sign of uncertainty or mental turmoilwho deserves support and recognition, there is a certain threshold that friends, partners, parents and others must accept when it comes to protecting their well-being.

10. They are suspicious of random things.

The woman looks envious and upset. MAYA LAB | Shutterstock.com

True friends and people who support you will be kind enough for you to share your victories with them. Sharing your victories with them is a sign of a healthy relationship, according to consultant Brittney Lindstrom in her book. her article about useful connections.

However, other people, bent on sabotaging you or simply struggling within themselves, will find everything they can to criticize you. From the importance of your success to something as insignificant as your appearance, putting you down is their self-aggrandizement, an ironic twist on their attempts to gain external recognition and social approval.

11. They never take responsibility

A woman looks annoyed while her boyfriend is talking. Dragana Gordic | Shutterstock.com

A Accountability Study 2019 argues that there is a misconception in society that making mistakes is a sign of weakness, which can be significant for people with selfish or narcissistic tendencies to contend with. In relationships and connections with these people, they are expected to resort to blame shifting to escape from perceived negative situations.

While this may help them ease the personal emotional burden of shame and guilt, it makes their friends and partners feel even more unheard—mainly when their mistake or conflict revolves around the well-being of their relationship.

Zaida Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment columnist at YourTango, specializing in health and wellness, social policy and human interest stories.