12 phrases that people who know how to make small talk always use

Charles Duhigg, author of The Power of Habit. argues that small talk is not an innate skillbut rather a learned behavior that can be learned and practiced so that it is ideal for any situation—whether you are talking to a loved one or making small talk with a stranger.

The more you study, the better you’ll get at the practice, but for now, think about using one of the many phrases that people who are good at small talk always use. You can develop better connections, interact with people more effectively, and create community in even the most mundane interactions.

Here are 12 phrases that people who know how to make small talk always use.

1. “Tell me more about this.”

Conversation between partners at home Photo Five | Shutterstock.com

Making people feel valued is the first step in developing healthy connections and the foundation for building community. According to a study by the Journal of Research in PersonalityWhen people feel heard, understood and respected, they live happier, healthier lives.

Even when people express negative emotions or complain, giving space for their problems and concerns can help them feel understood and respected—let them air out, and then let them go. Focus on active listeningby asking individual questions and personalizing your importance. People love to talk about themselves, so let them do it.

2. “Let’s meet sometime”

Woman smiling while talking to a man Photo Five | Shutterstock.com

While it can be a pass for leaving a conversation or moving on to another interaction, using this phrase can be incredibly useful for small talkespecially for people you don’t know well or haven’t talked to in a while.

Make them feel valued and put a pin in the conversation rather than shutting it down completely. According to scientists, people feel more comfortable speaking with warmth than cold, and respond positively to welcoming and empathetic energy, even with people they don’t know. Justin Copeland’s linguistic book Small Talk.

3. “Can I be honest with you?”

Woman smiling while talking on the phone Maxbelchenko | Shutterstock.com

According to a study published in the journal Psychological ScienceThe more meaningful conversations people have, the happier they are, and small talk is technically considered a gateway to more meaningful interactions. This is one of the phrases that people who know how to make small talk always use. This introduction to honesty in a casual conversation can help build trust and remind people that you’re willing to dive deeper.

Prioritizing honest communication is important not only for maintaining healthy relationships and friendships. If a question like this is used effectively during small talk, it can also help build a bridge between you and the other person, helping you both connect with each other, channel a little vulnerability, and find common ground that is important to feelings. Understood.

4. “This is so interesting.”

Man looks engaged while shaking hands Dragana Gordic | Shutterstock.com

Life coach Lynette Baker says that improving active listening skills during small talk can be an ideal mechanism for making people feel understood. While most people who are good at small talk focus on the benefits that genuine listening provides to other people, the truth is that it is also incredibly rewarding and rewarding for the person listening.

Baker explains that active listening gives you a better understanding of your own beliefs, promotes awareness of your own views, and helps you become aware of the dynamics of your relationships while helping other people feel respected.

5. “Have you heard about this?”

People talking at work and looking happy Dragana Gordic | Shutterstock.com

An anxiety-inducing interaction that worries every person who is afraid of small talk: the lull in conversation. So how do you keep the conversation going? Use context clues, previous conversations, and experiences you’ve shared to bring up a different topic that will both facilitate the conversation and give others the opportunity to talk about what interests them.

Watching other people feel comfortable and light up when talking about things that interest them it is a fire that illuminates the deep nature of conversation. Don’t underestimate the power of such a phrase.

6. “What were you doing?”

Couple talking carefully to each other decasigzag | Shutterstock.com

Another phrase that people who know how to make small talk always use is: “What have you been doing?” It’s simple but powerful because it not only gives people the opportunity to talk about themselvesas everyone pleases, but gives you the opportunity to accumulate shared experiences and common interests that can fuel subsequent conversations.

Constantly turning conversations only to yourself can be a toxic form of self-centeredness that ruins relationships and early conversations. Professor of Psychological Sciences Amanda Rose, Ph.D. explainsA healthy balance of personal interest and active listening can be the perfect combination for small talk.

7. “Do you remember this?”

Woman happily talking to her best friend Star Stock | Shutterstock.com

Recall is an important aspect of conversation, both for facilitating small talk and active listening, and can help people feel understood and respected. Finding common ground can help people feel connected to you and even make room for that part of the community that many people are. simultaneously yearning and bored in their lives.

Find an old experience, preferably one you shared together or a common interest that can be recalled during small talk. You’ll give them the opportunity to talk about something they’re interested in, or at least keep the conversation flowing naturally.

8. “This reminds me of something.”

Woman looks happy talking to stranger Bernard | Shutterstock.com

While many people value deep conversations, even with strangers, according to research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, something as superficial as recalling a random fact can bring people together and create a bridge to a more meaningful conversation.

Bridging the gap between someone’s experience and a common interest, news headline or interesting fact can be a simple way promote communication in simple conversation.

9. “What gets you excited about this?”

Couple smiling while looking at another person Elena Yakobchuk | Shutterstock.com

According to life coach Janelle AndersonGenuine curiosity in small conversations can not only charm other people, but also help them feel understood in casual interactions. Some consider it a conversational ploy, while others believe it is simply a way of expressing our human nature: the desire for community and communication.

Get out of your head, as Anderson sincerely suggests, and allow people to talk about themselves without external judgment. What are they happy about? What are they waiting for? What shapes their goals and lights up their daily lives?

10. “How did that make you feel?”

Woman smiling while talking on the phone Elena Yakobchuk | Shutterstock.com

While this may be the start of a more vulnerable conversation, it can still be an important phrase to maintaining healthy conversation continuing small talk. This exploratory question, especially if you’re talking to a good friend or loved one, can open the door to a deeper exploration of the emotions and feelings that define a meaningful experience for someone.

Although it remains understudied in the psychological field, according to 2023 studyFeeling heard is the “cornerstone” of close relationships. Having people see this during small talk will not only boost their self-esteem, but it will also help you find important common ground.

11. “I remember you were planning…”

Couple talking in public. Photos of Ayla | Shutterstock.com

A study called Project Aristotle. A study conducted by Google found that small talk and casual chit-chat can help bring people closer together, even in professional settings looking to build high-performing teams. Remember that the important aspect of active listening and meaningful small talk can help facilitate this connection by reminding people that you are listening and are genuinely interested in what they have to say.

Remember something they mentioned in a previous interaction or earlier in your conversation. You can share a shared experience or open the door to another conversation about their future plans and exciting goals.

12. “I couldn’t help but notice.”

couple sitting on a bench and talking Andrey Nekrasov | Shutterstock.com

Small talk is the transition between meaningful conversation and superficial chatter. according to social historian Joe Moran, Ph.D.. When we remind people that we are listening, seeing them as a whole person, and highlighting something in them—outer or inner—they may feel valued for their humanity.

It could be as simple as a compliment on a new hairstyle or excitement over feeling confident that someone is dedicated to their work. Let them know that you notice them, their achievements and goals, even if they don’t seem that big to you.

Zaida Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment columnist at YourTango, specializing in health and wellness, social policy and human interest stories.