Miss Manners: Mind your own business, not someone else’s wardrobe

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was getting food at a restaurant when a young woman came up to the counter to pick up her order. She was wearing a beautiful white dress. Unfortunately, her bright, colorful, patterned panties were clearly visible through the fabric of her dress.

I didn’t know how or if I should approach her and suggest pairing a slip or nude lingerie with this particular dress. Miss Manners have any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Since it’s unlikely that you had any extra skin-colored slips or panties, this young lady’s warning about a supposed fashion faux pas may not have been welcomed. As far as you know, this was a conscious fashion decision on her part.

Miss Manners is always in favor of telling strangers, kindly and confidentially, about wardrobe malfunctions, but in this case nothing could be done immediately. This would only cause embarrassment – not only for the young lady, but also for you, who would be caught looking at her butt.

• • •

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I know an elderly couple, and the lady often “reminds” me that I am disabled. I believe that she is simply reminding herself of my status in order to keep her friends in mind, but this is unkind.

She will hint that I nap most of the time during the day (which is what I do when I have a migraine). I already feel very guilty being at home on disability while my husband works full time.

Additionally, there is over a 50% chance that she will be bugged every time she communicates with me. Alcoholism makes her forgetful, but she seems stuck in the habit of publicly counting my losses, and I don’t want to spend time with her.

I told her that true friends don’t talk about our worries and illnesses. Should I just tell her not to call me when she was drinking that day?

GENTLE READER“Or never,” Miss Manners would have thought.

The odds are more than 50% in your favor and you don’t have to put up with a friend who insults you. You don’t have to answer her calls. If she asks, you can explain that your schedule has changed and you are usually unavailable.

• • •

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wonderful partner and I will be attending his son’s wedding soon. This will be the first time he will see many of his former family and friends since his divorce several years ago when they largely haunted him.

In fact, he is now on good terms with his ex-wife, but he was hurt by the fact that most of her circle considered him a bad guy and unceremoniously excluded him from their life. Therefore, he has no desire to exchange pleasantries with them.

Is there a good response to the inevitable (and fake) “Hi, how are you?” or the “Good to see you” greeting that these people would give when they saw him? Somewhere between giving an equally false answer and saying how he really feels?

GENTLE READER: “Thank you for coming.” Not only is this cordial, but it also reminds guests that your partner is also the de facto host and that they should tread carefully on their territory.

• • •