Dear Abby: Mother and daughter separated during illness.

Dear Abby! My daughter was diagnosed with a disease. Soon after, she decided to marry the man she met. I don’t like this guy, and it’s difficult for me to build a relationship with him. They moved to another state and I asked that she not bring him to this house. However, every chance she gets she brings him and he acts as if this is his home. I am currently in counseling to help me find a solution to this problem.

My daughter is also undergoing counseling and claims that part of it has to do with me. She was going to have surgery soon and I decided not to stay at their house because I would feel like a hypocrite. I decided to stay at a hotel and come to their home just to help her. Am I wrong for handling the situation this way?

I don’t want to upset my daughter, and I’m sorry that our relationship has become so difficult. She is the person who has to control everything. Talking to her is out of the question because it leads to shouting and a lot of disrespect on her part. I tend to shut down and withdraw. What should I do?

– Be careful in Texas

Dear Careful! I am pleased to hear that you are in consultation. Please discuss with your counselor how to be gracious to your son-in-law when your daughter brings him along to visit you. (She may not have a choice.) For the sake of your sanity, keep these visits short.

Your idea of ​​staying in a hotel when you go to help your daughter after surgery is logical. This will give you some quiet time to recover from the pressure of caring for her as well as being with her husband. There should be no need for shouting; It is important that your daughter’s recovery is as stress-free as possible.

As for controlling it, perhaps it’s time to ask yourself where this trend came from.

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