Corporate America wasn’t made for people like me, so I refuse to participate

Back when I had severe dissociative disorderI was my dream employee. I didn’t feel anything, so nothing could interfere with my work. I could handle it all: sleep deprivation, burnout, hunger, illness, pain. I answered calls and emails around the clock, and coworkers couldn’t violate my boundaries if I didn’t have them.

Of course, my bosses liked me—a hard-working woman who never said no—but for a long time, this dynamic also benefited me.

I could pretend that everything was fine with me. Workaholism itself is a form of dissociation that our culture rewards with raises, promotions, and congratulations for a life well lived.

In his biography Steve JobsWalter Isaacson writes that abandoning the project contributed to the tech mogul’s success. Steve Jobs was given up for adoption at birth. He spent his life chasing money, recognition and status, trying to prove that he was desirable and worthy. However, external validation has not been able to fill this gap.

Those close to Steve Jobs described him as “active” and “intense.” He denied paternity of his daughter and canceled all charity programs upon returning to Apple. Jobs divided his employees into two categories: “gods” or “morons”, depending on whether they complied with his relentless demands. He often fired “assholes” on the spot and in front of his peers.

Yet our culture idolizes this man as a leader, a visionary, and a shining example of the American Dream.

Research conducted National Academy of Sciences (NAS), often highlights persistent gender bias, which results in women being perceived as less competent and having lower leadership potential compared to men, often experiencing microaggressions, and facing challenges in achieving leadership positions due to factors such as “glass ceiling”. and society’s expectations of gender roles: Research shows that the presence of female leaders can positively impact perceptions of fairness and trust in the workplace. However, women may have to overcome a “double hurdle” where they are judged more harshly for assertive behavior than men, leading to self-doubt and the need to “prove themselves” more than their male counterparts.

professional woman in stress covering her face Anna Shvets | Pexels

Once I got better, I didn’t want to participate anymore.

At age 28, I finally received treatment for my dissociative disorder. Using a trauma therapy technique called EMDRI returned to my body and realized that under this numbness I was very sensitive person.

That’s why I passed out in the first place. The screaming, the violence, the depression, the mania that existed in my childhood home is overloaded my over-attuned sensesso I blacked out to survive. But now that I could feel again, I was no longer the dream employee.

How could I be successful if I absorbed other people’s emotions like a sea sponge? How could I spend 40 hours a week in an office when the noise was deafening? Conversations at the table. Humming taxis on the city streets. The continuous hum of the ceiling fluorescent lights.

How could I survive when the pain I had hidden inside me for two decades now demanded to be felt? And yet, even if I there wasn’t neurodivergent, I would have a hard time succeeding in a traditional corporate job.

tense woman put her head on the table Photo: Kaboompics.com | Pexels

Why? Because corporate America was not built for women.

working day from nine to five was designed for men who had free, 24/7 internal support. After an eight-hour shift, they returned to a clean house and sat down to a home-cooked meal. The children are fed, bathed and ready for bed. The men did their work for the day and everything else was taken care of.

Nowadays, most women do all of this – whether they are single or not. Pew Research Center Study shows that, in addition to maintaining jobs, most married women still perform the bulk of household responsibilities. Before, after and while working, they cook, clean and take care of their children.

Progress in the workplace isn’t much better. According to a recent reportthe treatment of women in professional settings is much the same as it was ten years ago. Yes, companies demand inclusive training, but banal videos and questionnaires with checkboxes have not changed people’s behavior.

At work, women are still three times more likely to be interruptedpassing off one’s ideas as someone else’s, being judged for one’s appearance and emotional state, and being mistaken for lower-level employees or other women of the same race. Women still do too punished for speaking out.

Soon after starting therapy I was dismissed from a management position because I refused to compromise my integrity for the immoral benefit of the company. No matter how many times stupid videos encourage us to report discriminatory behavior, the subtext is clear:

If women want to climb the corporate ladder, they need to shut up, toughen up, and embrace it.

Satisfied and happy woman working from home Lisa Summer | Pexels

I am no longer willing to give up on myself.

I’m one of the lucky ones. My mental illness served me long enough for me to establish myself as a professional in the writing world. I’m still working as hard as I can, but I’m taking it further. my conditions.

I have multiple sources of income, so my livelihood will never again depend on the whims of one fickle boss. I work only for clients and employers who maintain a balance between work and personal life and let me make a schedule. I give up on tasks when I’m solving something difficult so that I can sit in the discomfort rather than be distracted by it.

I haven’t set foot in the office for years. Instead I work under quiet, peaceful protection the house that I have and share with a man who treats me as an equal partner.

Most importantly, I have the time and energy to prioritize the things that matter: relationships. Spirituality. Sympathy. Recovery. Getting back to who I was before this world convinced me that self-sacrifice and external success would fill this void.

Of course, my bosses liked me—a hard-working woman who never said no—but for a long time, this dynamic also benefited me.

Once I got better, I didn’t want to participate anymore.

Why? Because corporate America was not built for women.

I am no longer willing to give up on myself.

Corporate America wasn’t built for women like me, and I don’t need what it sells anyway.