Best from Dear Abby: My stepdaughters only allow us to see our grandchildren if we shell out money and gifts.

DEAR ABBY: I am a mother and stepmother to eight wonderful children. I love them all very much. The problem is my two older stepdaughters. Both are 20 years old and have children. If their father and I don’t constantly give them money, we won’t be able to see our grandchildren. Every time we refuse, we can’t see them for months.

These two stepdaughters are rude to their father. Unless there’s a vacation coming up or they need money, they never call or text him. If we don’t agree with anything they say, they don’t bring girls for months and don’t answer calls or texts.

We gave them a LOT of money and bought all the gifts for the kids. When we asked what the girls wanted for their birthday, one stepdaughter said the dollhouse cost almost $200, which is a lot for a birthday. When we said it was more like a Christmas present, she got upset.

I told my husband that I was done and would no longer pay to visit my grandchildren, but he insists that he is not giving up on his grandchildren. I’m not saying give up, but it breaks my heart to continue going through this. Any advice would be helpful. — MRS. ATM

DEAR MRS. ATM: How sad. Your stepdaughters (both!) don’t even bother to hide their emotional blackmail that borders on elder abuse. The only way to break the vicious circle is to prevent it. However, if your husband cannot be convinced, there is nothing you can do to stop what is happening. Most clear-thinking people stop doing things that don’t work as soon as they realize this fact. But as long as your husband allows his emotions to dictate his actions, nothing will change.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.