Conferences of parents and teachers who work | Edutopia

I’ve been on both sides of tough parent-teacher conferences—as a teacher and as a parent. Despite numerous studies supporting the value of strong connections between school and home, there is a distinct lack of training in teacher preparation programs to interact and communicate with caregivers. Schools also rarely train teachers on how to interact with families, so teachers often have to learn through trial and error.

In my case this meant a lot of mistakes. For example, after my first round of parent-teacher conferences, a colleague pulled me aside and said, “It seems like all you do is put out fires.” I was 22 years old and had only been teaching for two months – I was really just putting out fires! Her feedback helped me see that my messages were indeed incorrect. Instead of communicating to families about their child’s academic, social, and emotional progress, I gave them the impression that their child was as problematic as I was unqualified. I was fortunate that my first school had group parent meetings so that a caring colleague could tell me that I needed to change my messages.

I now know that calm, focused, problem-solving-oriented communication communicates strengths and needs to families in a supportive and professional manner. Over the past 12 years, I’ve collected some tips for dealing with the stress of parent-teacher conferences.

I do this with simple google formbut any survey will do. My survey is short: checkboxes with topics parents would like to focus on, and a few additional short answers for further explanation. Adding this survey alone has been the most effective tool for improving my conferences—first, because time is limited, both in terms of time to prepare for conferences and in terms of the actual time we spend at conferences. When we give parents the opportunity to share what they would like to share, we ensure that we can meet their needs and expectations with meaningful data and examples. Not only does this reduce preparation time and improve my preparedness, but it also speeds up my conferences, allowing me to get straight to the point.

Second, getting feedback from parents before the meeting greatly reduces the likelihood that we will be caught off guard. Too many times have I walked into meetings with a smile only to find a frown on the other side of the table. By giving parents the opportunity to share frustrations upfront, I can ensure I am prepared to discuss difficult topics or alleviate any frustrations they may be feeling. I can also call in any reinforcement I might need, be it admin support or a few anecdotes from the extracurricular teacher.

Don’t bring up an issue unless you have a plan to solve it. This does not mean that we as teachers should have all the answers or that we should not tell caregivers that there is a problem. By suggesting what you’ve already tried, as well as what you plan to try next, you communicate to the family that the problem is not their child. He conveys hope and faith in his child’s abilities and inherent goodness. Parents have many desires, but at the core, all they really want to know is that their child is seen, valued, and truly loved. It’s a caregiver’s worst nightmare to walk into a conference and be given a list of everything that’s going wrong.

We will inevitably have to deliver difficult news, but when we deliver it kindly and gently, with clear confidence that things can get better, we show families that their child is safe in our hands.

Caregivers may become defensive, but so can teachers. The Internet loves to remind us how difficult it is to be a teacher. Social media and politics pit parents and educators against each other, and in a world of book bans and gag orders, it’s easy to feel backed into a corner. And for passionate teachers who put their heart and soul into what they do, we can’t help but feel defensive when asked. However, I believe that being defensive is the fastest way to derail a conference. When I play defense, I pause and take a deep breath. I picture the student in my head so I can focus on myself and the conversation.

Defensiveness and blindness often go hand in hand. As teachers, we often feel like we need all the answers. Over the years, I’ve learned that it’s okay to put off conversations that I’m not ready for or that aren’t moving forward productively. I used to worry that it would make me look weak or unprofessional, but over the years I have realized that sometimes it is a crucial step in preserving my relationship with my family, which is critical to my ability to make progress with their child. Coming back to the table with fresh thoughts and more data (and sometimes more support) doesn’t make us weak, it makes us responsive, thoughtful, and student-centered educators.

Ultimately, parent-teacher conferences are stressful no matter what side of the table you’re on, but they’re worth the effort if done well. Effective conferences strengthen the home-school connection, building trust among educators and teachers, which deepens our relationships with our students and makes it easier for us to achieve positive academic, social, and emotional change. These are opportunities to share our love for our profession and our students, and I think they go more smoothly when we remember that.

We can’t plan for every challenge that may arise, but when we take these small steps before and during conferences, we can turn them into powerful and wonderful opportunities that reflect the complexities of life at school while deepening our connections with caregivers.