Do’s and Don’ts of Protecting Healthy Boundaries

We all struggle with some people in our lives ignoring our bordersand then we wonder how we can maintain our boundaries in the future and remain focused and connected to our healing and growth while living with hurtful feelings.

We humans are social animals. We thrive thanks to our social media throughout our entire life. Together we learn and grow. We define who we are, what we want, how we treat others, and how we want to be treated. Sometimes we find it necessary to create healthy boundaries between ourselves and the people in our lives.

Healthy personal borders work the same as a well-built and maintained fence. While most of us are familiar with the phrase “Good fences make good neighbors,” few know that it originated in a 1914 poem by Robert Frost entitled “Mending the wall.” In this poem, the author explores the often dangerous interpersonal dynamics of two neighbors who learn a lot about boundaries through their developing desire to interact and challenge each other while trying to respect each other’s property.

When we set intentions to set healthy boundaries with the people in our lives, we are essentially correcting unhealthy patterns. overdependence in relationships and other problematic habits that we have identified that no longer serve us and focus on our self-treatment and well-being.

Although we do not intend to upset friends or family members by being distant or indifferent, or to be perceived as unprofessional or irresponsible by colleagues and bosses when we suffer from stress, burnoutand feeling overwhelmed by a lack of boundaries, we often encounter resistance to our new rules.

Purpose of the new rules

When we create healthy boundaries for ourselves, we are essentially rewriting our rules of interaction. These new rules define our boundaries and protect us from unhealthy and unwanted intrusions, demands and expectations. They also allow us build mutual respect relationships and manage our limited resources of time and energy.

Defining and protecting your boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries requires a lot of self-reflection and effort. Then, once our boundaries are set, we need to communicate them to the people in our lives. While it would be reasonable to assume that once we set and communicate our boundaries to the people in our lives that everything will be fine, the reality is that what follows can be a time of great challenge and effort.

Especially when we have set boundaries for the decision long term negative consequences If we want to please people and prioritize the needs of our friends, family, and jobs over self-care and life tasks and responsibilities, our new rules are unlikely to go unchallenged. Of course, there are times when it is wise to ignore our boundaries and say “yes” to a colleague or manager who has a looming deadline, a friend in crisis, or a family member who needs our help.

Managing Resistance to Change

When you set healthy boundaries that change long-standing dynamics with friends, family members, and co-workers, there will likely be people who will have a hard time understanding or accepting the changes. There may also be people in your life who challenge your new rules for a variety of reasons. Some may not take your efforts seriously. Others – especially those who risk losing some or all of the benefits of your time, attentionand energy—it can be awkward and troublesome to adjust to your boundaries.

You may find that those who have benefited from your previous lack of boundaries often try to challenge your boundaries by resorting to manipulative tactics designed to appeal to your compassion, caring and sense of responsibility, and to blur the boundaries that you painted in relation to their time. and energy.

Do’s and Don’ts of Maintaining Healthy Boundaries

Your healthy boundaries belong to you and you alone. It’s up to you to stand your ground and remain committed to protecting your boundaries from the people in your life who are struggling to accept your new rules of engagement.

Don’t personalize other people’s actions, reactions, or choices: Some people in your life may have a hard time understanding your new rules. Their reaction reflects their struggle, not your efforts to make changes for your betterment and well-being.

Don’t give in guilt: Guilt is a red flag emotion. When you feel guilty for standing your ground, it’s a sign that someone wants something from you that you don’t feel comfortable giving.

Stay in harmony and strive for your highest and best: Remember why you set healthy boundaries and how much those boundaries have helped you reduce stress, create healthier relationships, and manage your time and energy.

Pay attention to those who challenge your boundaries: Chances are, people who challenge or ignore your boundaries played a huge role in your decision to create boundaries. Be prepared to retaliate.

Show compassion to yourself and others as you adjust to the new rules. Change takes time. Stay in touch with your feelings and be patient with those in your life who challenge and resist your new boundaries.