After Midnight host Taylor Tomlinson’s monologue on Trump’s election

As the only female late night comedian Taylor TomlinsonThe president’s monologue was especially poignant and honest Wednesday night. CBS program hostAfter midnight(who added an opening monologue to her show at the start of the second season), Tomlinson darkly joked that “I’m honored to be on television while women are still allowed to be there.”

In her opening remarks, Tomlinson also shared some of her coping mechanisms in the hours following Donald Trump’s re-election, including re-watching Game of Thrones to try to remind herself of better times, circa 2011.

“Think back to 2011 when Joe Rogan wasn’t helping people decide elections,” she said. “He was just helping people decide if they would eat bugs for money. Remember this?

Tomlinson also noted that Trump’s return is a sign that the reboots are terrible, and she said this as the host of one. (“After Midnight” is a remake of Comedy Central’s “@midnight.”) Tomlinson said, “Why should he be president? Typically, when you reintegrate an ex-convict back into society, you just have to let him work at Baskin Robbins.

Here is her full monologue:

“I’m Taylor Tomlinson, welcome to the show. First, the elephant in the room, sorry if it’s your birthday. This sucks. Many people today feel shocked and depressed and cannot believe that it is time for them to go to work. Me too. That’s what’s happening here. But I will say that I am honored to be on television while women are still allowed to do so.

“How did everyone sleep last night? I mean, seriously, what sedatives were you on? Personally, I took a sleeping pill and then ate a family bag of jelly beans. And then, I’m not kidding. I started re-watching Game of Thrones to calm myself down. I thought, “Maybe this will give me some perspective.” Just desperately trying to get back to 2011. Think back to 2011, when Joe Rogan wasn’t helping people decide elections. He simply helped people decide whether they would eat bugs for money. Remember this?

I’ve been watching this Tik Tok all morning.

“Was it too dark? It’s like the energy here was like, “Man, this would be great.” Like, it wasn’t even funny at all. Everyone said, “Wouldn’t it be nice to be somewhere else and something else?” Like, no one here liked it at all. Neither do I. My God.

“We were preparing for today’s show in advance and assumed that we would not yet know the election results, but we have them. Donald Trump’s second presidency. And I know people have said this before, but reboot culture has gone too far, and I say this as the host of a show that was rebooted.

“Why should he be president? Usually when you reintegrate an ex-offender back into society you just have to let him work at Baskin Robbins, I can see why if you’ve done the job.

“I’m honestly very angry. I’m angry at everyone who consoled me last week and told me everything would be okay. I’m angry at myself for believing this wouldn’t happen. I’m mad at CBS for hiring me so I couldn’t leave the country immediately. There’s a lot of misplaced anger right now. Personally, I couldn’t tear myself away from the news, but some people were able to keep themselves busy. Just look at this screenshot someone tweeted about messaging a friend around the time Trump won Pennsylvania.

“Oh my God, I know Anora was so good. Wait, what? Is it as dark or darker than the cow video? What do you think? I choose to believe that this person is not ignorant and ignorant. They turn to movies just for comfort, and yes, I understand that. Hell, I’ll sleep at AMC all weekend and cry over Nicole Kidman commercials. Like, “we really need this, all of us.”

“When the numbers started coming in and Harris’ campaign looked tough, I could see the tension on the faces of the news anchors. You know when you’re on a plane and there’s turbulence, you look at the flight attendants to see if they’re scared or if they’re just relaxing on their phones and shaking things up a little? Looking at these news anchors, I thought, “Oh great, we’re crash landing in hell.” Cool, amazing.” And then I switched to Fox News to see what the tone was, and they were all just lighting fireworks and kissing each other on the lips with their tongues.

“So it was a huge night for Republicans. They have also captured the Senate, and many media outlets are wondering whether the Republican Senate will keep Trump in check, which is like a getaway driver asking in a bank robbery, “To make sure they spend the money wisely.” , right? You’re going to save half for taxes and donate to sustainable charities, right?

“A lot of people want solutions, so they’re posting today about what we can do to move forward, and I think that’s valuable. But also, let’s be sad for a minute. If your friend dies, you go to the funeral and say, “I miss my friend so much.” You don’t go to a funeral and immediately yell, “Volunteer at the library!” It’s like, yeah, okay, I’ll volunteer at the library, but let me bury democracy first.”

Tomlinson was later joined by panelists Zach Noe Towers, Laura Peake and Guy Branum.