Having a baby at 24 made us feel like outsiders

We were the youngest in our prenatal group by about 10 years. All other couples had more life experience. I remember one woman said: “We lived in Australia for several years, and then I worked in London for 10 years.” I was counting in my head, thinking it was 12 years ago. This meant that I was 12 years old when they started working. The other parents in our group were also higher up on the corporate ladder than us, as evidenced by the fact that they drove electric cars and had designer handbags.

But as we progressed in the prenatal class, the fact that our group members were 10 years older than us made no difference. Having a child was a great equalizer despite the age difference. None of us knew what we were doing, and the people who had a five-year plan had even more adjustments to make. Yes, we were younger, but we all knew nothing together.

For most of our friends, having a child at this age is unthinkable. It’s just not what young people do. Many of our friends live in London and still live with their parents to try to save money – they’re not even going to buy their first home. Everything is so expensive that family is out of the question. When I found out we were having a baby, I immediately made a spreadsheet to figure out how we would be able to afford it and realized it would be incredibly difficult. We don’t have money for luxuries or the things that young people usually spend money on.

Many of our friends want maintain lifestyle they are already used to going to music festivals and parties and taking exotic vacations. Having a child takes your mind off of all that. Sometimes it’s hard and we can feel completely alone. We’re too young to mingle with other moms and dads, but we also don’t blend in with our age group. Even if money wasn’t an issue, it was still the practicality of figuring out what holidays you could and couldn’t, what bars you could go to, what friends you could meet. But our values ​​do not necessarily lie in such comfort; we don’t want to have international holidays and we don’t like going to clubs anymore. It was as if our world had shrunk around Lydia.

Joe’s friends were very happy for him, experiencing a birth they themselves could not imagine at this stage. Their reaction was, “You care, but I don’t feel ready for it yet.” In many ways, we understood this feeling. My mom didn’t believe it at first, but she was very happy to become a grandmother, although my dad thought it was what we always wanted. Joe’s parents were shocked, but they already have three grandchildren, so they knew what they were dealing with.

Overall, starting a family young was the best decision we ever made. I think if I were in my late thirties, having a baby would be more difficult, especially when I’m running after the baby. When you’re older, your career becomes more established, so putting it on hold at this point may be more difficult. Taking time off now means it won’t have much of an impact on my career.

I always wanted to be a mother, and since my mother was a housewife, I loved it and wanted it for myself. I would do so if it weren’t so hard to live on one income. I don’t think pregnancy stopped my career – I work for a data processing company, so it just put things on hold for a while. I don’t feel like the timeout is stopping me from progressing in the long run or affecting my career chances because my job is very stable and has room for growth. Childcare costs are a bit of a concern, but the availability of free childcare hours would mean it would make more sense for me to go back to work rather than stay at home.

I wouldn’t trade having a baby at 24 for anything. It’s an incredible privilege and I think Lydia is the sweetest baby ever. Being new parents means we have a lot of energy for caring as well. Obviously we’re still tired, but I’m glad we’re doing it now – it’s the right time for us and I just can’t wait to see more.

As told by Natasha Lik