DEAR ABBY: Bitter feelings for a teacher linger decades later.

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Dear Abby: My elementary school teacher recently died. I haven’t seen her in over 20 years because of how she made me feel. I remember how manipulative and negative she was towards those less fortunate. Because I did not come from a rich or noble family, I was subjected to humiliation, fear and intimidation. I remember her as a money-driven person who was judgmental and favored the privileged whom she considered smarter.

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Because I had dyslexia, I had difficulty reading and interpreting words, so she made me stand for hours and face shame. Now that she has died, I realize that I never had the opportunity to tell her how wrong she was, and that in high school my negative view of education changed for the better because I had great teachers and great classmates.

The people who are now praising her are the same people she promoted and endorsed. I would just like to voice my opinion because many of them were treated poorly. — SCARED IN TEXAS

DEAR SHRAMRED: I think you expressed your feelings very well. This teacher may not have realized that she had a student with a learning disability and punished you when she should have realized instead that you needed extra help to succeed. Accept her inability to handle this properly, HER learning disability, and try to forgive her. Despite her, you’ve done very well, and it’s time to get her out of your head.

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Dear Abby: Is there anything I can do to help my 55 year old daughter who has just started another undoubtedly doomed relationship? She quickly cohabitates with these men, usually in less than two months. My daughter then reinvents herself to live up to HIS ideal. Each time the relationship ended, it cost her a lot of money and negatively affected her now adult children.

Despite all this, my daughter continued to work, although four years in one position is a long time. I’m afraid this last move will limit her job opportunities once the work-from-home trend subsides. Is this similar to dealing with a drug addict or alcoholic who has to seek help on his own? This roller coaster took its toll on me too. —MOM IN THE LINE

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DEAR MOTHER: You can talk until you’re blue in the face—and I’m guessing you’ve tried more than once—to get your middle-aged daughter to understand that what she’s been doing hasn’t helped her. She is not a “drug addict” but is desperate to find a partner.

When your daughter finally understands that she doesn’t have to twist herself into a pretzel to please a man, and that she’s okay just the way she is—a successful parent, self-sufficient, and self-reliant—she may not only feel better about herself, but and she will have more luck finding a partner.

— Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips. Contact dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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