Before “I do”: arguments in favor of a prenuptial agreement

And when you call, he leaves? This. Receives. Sloppy.

In an ideal world, love and money would remain in their own separate lanes. But the truth is that once you tie the knot, love and money also become intertwined and entangled in the realities of everyday life.

This leads to a fundamental question: does love really conquer all when it comes to money?

The reality is that marriage and money are not just private matters. Indonesia’s Marriage Law sets the framework for how wealth and property are managed in a marriage. According to Article 35, any property acquired during the marriage becomes community property, with the exception of gifts or inheritances, which remain private unless both parties agree otherwise.

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Interestingly, while the law covers property, it does not take into account one important part of financial life: debt. Because personal debt in marriage is not clearly regulated, in the event of death or divorce it is often left to the discretion of the court.

This is where a prenuptial agreement, or prenuptial agreement, becomes valuable: Having a clear agreement from the start on issues related to both wealth and debt can prevent a lot of headaches down the road.

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Not just for the super rich

A prenuptial agreement is essentially a legal contract that couples sign before marriage to clarify how their assets, debts, and other financial matters will be handled.

While lawyers may have standard templates for this, couples often add clauses tailored to their own concerns, as evidenced by some of my friends’ prenuptial agreements. They typically cover issues such as what assets remain separate, whether debts are shared, and whether inheritance remains secret.

They can specify who pays what family expenses, give each partner autonomy over their own expenses, and clarify custody and child support arrangements in case something goes wrong.

A prenuptial agreement may even cover the household and other responsibilities of the husband and wife, such as determining whether one partner is responsible for supporting the other’s in-laws.

But should you worry about a prenup if, like me, you’re not in the top 1 percent?

It turns out that prenuptial agreements are no longer just for the super-rich. They are becoming increasingly relevant for middle-class couples as well, since a prenuptial agreement is not only about protecting huge fortunes, but also about setting clear expectations between the couple.

“There is no perfect plan for managing finances after marriage. Every family is unique and has unique needs,” says Ellie Nagasaputra, consultant at Konseling Keluarga.

What’s important, she says, is that the arrangement suits the family’s needs and is mutually agreed upon by both partners.

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Pros vs. Cons

So, do we all need a prenuptial agreement?

“It depends on the situation,” says Ellie, listing five scenarios in which a prenuptial agreement might make sense.

First, if one or both partners run a business, a prenuptial agreement can protect their assets if things go wrong. Second, when there is a significant difference in net worth between spouses, it helps make it clear that their intentions are sincere.

Third, if there is a possibility of future conflict, such as due to differences in financial goals or lifestyles, a prenuptial agreement sets clear boundaries early on. Fourth, if there have been problems in the past such as infidelity or bad habits such as gambling, a strong prenup can provide additional security.

Finally, if external threats, such as family interference, are expected, a prenuptial agreement can help protect the relationship from unwanted outside influences.

Are there any disadvantages?

“From a legal perspective, I don’t think there are any,” says Devi Sekar Arum, founding partner of ARMA Law. “Except maybe it’s unusual and considered taboo.”

I can already hear the answer in the minds of some readers: “We are in Indonesia, we don’t do this.”

But the reality is that conflicts happen.

“Many people focus on the negative, thinking it shows mistrust or disrespect. But I always tell them: if you have good intentions, why be afraid? If you have no intention of cheating or harming your partner, why not have an extra layer of protection?” Ellie says.

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Stephanie, 32, affirms the benefits of a strong prenup. Long before she got engaged, she knew that sharing the wealth in marriage was what she wanted.

“My father is a businessman, so I saw first-hand how important it is to have an agreement like this. In business, things can go wrong, and I wanted to protect myself and my future children from any liability,” she explains.

“It was never about a lack of trust; it was more like insurance.”

When her marriage fell apart, a prenuptial agreement made the separation as quick and painless as possible, without quarrels over property or alimony.

“I strongly encourage everyone to think about it,” she says.

“If you’re with someone without ulterior motives and you both want to protect each other as long as you agree to the terms, why not sign it?”

Armita, 31, also supports the value of a prenuptial agreement. Being married to a Dutchman, she found the conversation relatively easy since prenuptial agreements are common in Europe.

“It wasn’t the most romantic topic to discuss, but we have always been transparent about everything, including finances. It might be a little taboo here, but for my then-boyfriend it was culturally acceptable,” she adds.

Many people don’t realize, Armita says, that signing a marriage license effectively means you’re entering into an agreement dictated by the government. But when entering into a prenuptial agreement, you have the opportunity to set your own terms.

However, her mother was skeptical, saying she couldn’t understand why the couple was starting a new chapter together thinking about worst-case scenarios.

“I explained that this was just a safety net in case something went wrong. No one gets divorced because of a prenuptial agreement, but if something happens, we have that protection,” she says.

According to her, a year after the wedding, the prenuptial agreement had no effect on the dynamics of their relationship. “After it was signed, we never talked about it again.”

What if it’s too late?

Don’t worry, Arum says, there’s still the possibility of a postnuptial agreement.

“As more people request prenuptial agreements, we’re also seeing an increase in postnuptial agreements, usually from couples who didn’t think about it before marriage or waited until certain milestones were reached,” she says.

However, post-agreements only come into force from the moment they are signed, so they do not have retroactive effect. Like a prenuptial agreement, a postnuptial agreement can be updated over time as circumstances change.

“No one gets divorced because of a prenuptial agreement, but if something happens, we have that protection.” – Armita

After all, the point is not to expect the worst, but to be prepared for life’s unexpected turns. Whether it’s a prenup or a prenuptial agreement, these conversations may seem awkward or even unromantic, but they are part of protecting the life you’re building together.

And yes, you can believe that love conquers all, but before you say “I do,” it’s still worth asking: What about money?

Adelia Anjani Putri, a communications consultant and former reporter, has started writing again. She’s also considering a career change that would allow her to pursue her passions for cooking and cat sitting, ideally with a salary.