Menendez case is a call for awareness and action against abuse – San Diego Union-Tribune

The tragic story of Erik and Lyla Menendez. convicted in 1996 of murdering his parents in 1989.and serving life without parole The Donovan State Penitentiary convictions continue to attract public interest and prompt deep thinking about the complexities of trauma. We, as board members and employees MenHealingRecognize that current discussions in the media provide an important opportunity to reflect on the profound traumatic consequences for boys and men who experience sexual violence.

At the heart of the Menendez brothers’ story is the harrowing tale of alleged abuse that the men claim drove them to kill their parents. Their experiences highlight an important truth: the sexual victimization of boys and men is often ignored, downplayed or ignored. To this day, we remain socially blind to the fact that boys and men are also victims of sexual violence. When Eric and Lyle shared their claims of suffering, many responded with skepticism rather than compassion, reflecting a tendency in this country to not believe that boys and men can be sexually abused. These dynamics exacerbate feelings of isolation among boys and men who have experienced violence and perpetuate harmful stereotypes about masculinity. Statistics show that men can wait more than 20 years before disclosing sexual abuse.

Members MenHealing teams have experience working with men who have experienced sexual trauma spanning 50 years. During this time, we have seen devastating consequences for boys and men who have been taught to believe that admitting vulnerability and pain equates to weakness. We have witnessed the consequences when men secretly bear the traumatic burden of sexual abuse. This stigma can lead to serious psychological and behavioral problems, including depression, anxiety and an increased risk of substance abuse, as well as reactive violence. We are saddened by frequent scenarios in which reluctance to seek help is rooted in a cultural view of masculinity that values ​​stoicism and discourages emotional expression. We are alarmed by how often the targeted question “What happened to you?” suppressed or overturned through legal intervention.

Our experience highlights the importance of creating a supportive healing environment that expands the reach for serving adult male survivors of sexual violence. Just as we have expanded our understanding of the complex consequences of physical and sexual violence against girls and women, we must make personal and social changes to include a similar recognition that many boys and men need tools to heal from sexual violence.

As we study the story of the Menendez brothers, it is a useful reminder that each of us likely knows a boy or man in our lives who has been impacted by the revealed or hidden reality of sexual abuse. Research detects in at least 1 in 6 men, almost 28 million in the United States are sexually assaulted at some point in their lives (which is closely related to the statistic that one in four women are sexually assaulted).

Please consider what you can do to help our society move beyond cultural blind spots that ignore the needs of male survivors of sexual violence. This cultural shift in beliefs is vital in preventing boys and men from blaming themselves for what happened and allowing them to release secrets they have been keeping out of shame and fear of not being believed.

When men are empowered to express their emotions and seek help, they not only begin to heal, but also contribute to broader cultural change that benefits everyone. Imagine all the men who could become more authentic and compassionate fathers, husbands, sons, brothers, friends and community leaders if they could live in a world where they could move beyond their traumatic secrets and find resources to help.

Warner, Ph.D., is a MenHealing board member and lives in Los Angeles. Struve is the Executive Director of MenHealing and lives in Bellingham, Washington. Munson is a board member of MenHealing and lives in Milwaukee. MenHealing has no direct interest in the Menendez litigation or appeals.

Originally published: November 5, 2024 6:05 AM PST