Quitting alcohol at 48 changed my life in ways I never expected.

“I need to be sober! Alcohol is not my friend in middle age.”

These words have been running around in my head for months. This was not the conversation I was having on the outside. Even with family or friends. It was one of those internal voice chats that played in my mind every day.

And then, a little over four months ago, I decided to say those words out loud. Not behind closed doors, with your husband or best friend. Or even a doctor or therapist. Instead, I shared my vulnerability to alcohol with thousands of people across Instagram.

I’ve always prided myself on being real and authentic in life and online, and as a beauty editor I’ve become known for my honest opinions on products and trends on social media. But sharing your love for lipstick is one thing. Stating that I think alcohol is ruining my life is another…

But on that Friday morning last July, after weeks of drinking too much wine (summer was always my excuse), my instinct told me I should share my insecurities about drinking in midlife on social media. And since trusting my instincts is a rule I try to stick to, I decided to go for it.

I had always enjoyed a drink, but my nightly “glass of wine before dinner” was now leading to alarm bells ringing at 4am and feelings of doom and dread the next morning. I also found myself drinking even when I didn’t really want to. I was tired of being the cheerful drunk in a group of friends, and I was ready to take charge of my life. Just not the tequila type.

I believed that connecting with my Instagram followers would hold me accountable, help me stick to sobriety, and hopefully help anyone else who was also on the path to midlife sobriety.

And so I posted something very raw and real.coil explaining how I was fed up with the consequences of drinking alcohol in middle age. And I’ll admit it: When I hit share on Instagram this morning, I got butterflies in my stomach. Perhaps it was a positive signal from my intuition that I was doing the right thing. I was nervous posting something so personal. But then something really powerful happened.

My Instagram exploded and my community showed up for me in ways I never expected. I was touched by all the comments and direct messages that lit up my feed and were filled with words of compassion, understanding, support and respect.

I gained hundreds of new followers, as well as calls and text messages from friends and family. Everything from “What led up to this?” and “Why didn’t you tell me?” to “This is so amazing” and “You are so brave and courageous.”

Yes, sharing my vulnerability so publicly held me accountable (and I’m happy to say that four months later I’m still sober and loving it), but just as importantly, it gave me a connection to myself. myself, which was extremely liberating.

I continued to post about my journey to sobriety online, and seeing me talk so openly about my struggles, especially at 48 years old – a time in my life when society tells me I should have it all together, made me realize that I’m happier choosing vulnerability over perfection any day.

Being vulnerable has helped me realize who I really am, to the core.

In middle age, we are very often defined by what “has been” in our lives—our career, our family, our education. But what about now? Who are we really at 40 and older? Because one thing is for sure: we are no longer the same people we were 20 years ago.

Letting go of being or looking “perfect” during this time in my life helped me nurture my compassionate side, which is actually an important part of my true personality. One that I was afraid to share in middle age.

Maybe my British “stiff upper lip” was getting in the way? Or bad memories of being a kid in school who cried “immediately” (according to one elementary school teacher).

NO MORE ALCOHOL INSPO: I Quit Alcohol for Three Months – Here’s What Happened

And then there’s my “Beauty Editor” persona, which has to be as shiny and shiny as the products I talk about. Having a vulnerable relationship with alcohol doesn’t quite fit the expectations of my job.

However, showing my vulnerability and not pretending that everything is okay has helped me build a connection with myself, my family, and my beauty community that I didn’t even know existed.

Talking to your fears, imperfections and insecurities makes you stronger and more resilient, and expressing your pure and real emotions can bring you true happiness.