The couple was engaged for 6 years before the woman’s fiancé staged a bombshell at the wedding

After a six-year engagement, the woman was ready to start planning her wedding when her fiancé dropped the bomb.

The woman described the situation in detail in a letter SlatePay Dirt financial advice column, starting with an explanation of the circumstances of their unusually long engagement. “We thought we would get married sooner, but between moving to another state and establishing ourselves in our fields, it took us several years to reach financial stability,” she wrote.

She continued her letter: “I recently mentioned to him that I wanted to start planning a wedding and he dropped a bombshell by saying that he wants to continue living together, but he doesn’t really believe in the formality of a wedding and that the government shouldn’t interfere with our life, it’s an outdated sexist custom, it’s an unnecessary expense, etc.”

Since then, the couple discussed this topic several times, but reached a dead end. “He won’t budge,” the woman wrote about her fiancé, while admitting that she recognized the practicality of his reasons for not getting married.

“For example, he says we could go to France instead of spending money on dinner and a dress I’ll only wear once, but I like the idea of ​​a wedding,” she added.

However, her sister seems to see the situation very differently. “My sister says he’s not serious about me if he’s not willing to make that commitment, and I understand her point of view,” the woman explained. “She says many other men would have arranged my wedding instead of crushing my dreams.”

Now the woman is not sure how to move forward. “I spent six years of my life with him and I don’t know if I want to break up with him over this one issue, but I’m increasingly snapping at him and fighting,” she concluded her request for advice. “I don’t know what to do. I feel like I was deceived and now I’m trapped.”

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In response, the Slate columnist urged a woman to consider whether she wants a wedding or marriage. “I think these are two different things and I wonder if some people in today’s social media world are getting confused,” the reviewer wrote. “Also, you don’t mention the L-word in your email. Do you both still love each other or do you each have some imaginary way of life that you are clinging to?”

They noted that while a woman’s groom “clearly doesn’t believe in spending thousands of dollars on a wedding that will last a few hours,” many couples manage to have a modest “town hall” wedding at very little expense. .

“But reading between the lines, it seems like money is the least important thing. He seems to object to the marriage itself,” the columnist continued. “Did you explore that “government interference/outdated sexist customs” comment a little deeper?”

They further warned the woman about some of the realities of an unregistered marriage. “If you’re not married and something happens to one of you, the other won’t be able to make key decisions about health care or assets,” the columnist wrote. “You’ll need paperwork to cover your bases on these things – another ‘government intervention.’ Is he willing to do this to protect you and what you are building together?”

The columnist ended his response by telling the woman that they “can’t figure out if you ‘wasted’ six years with this man” or if the couple’s vision for the future simply “diverged” over time.

“Whether you’re married or just planning to live together forever, you and him have completely different ideas about how to convey your deepest feelings for each other and the future,” they concluded. “And that doesn’t work very well in the long run.”