Dear Abby! Should we keep a family member’s husband away from our children?

Dear Abby: Many months ago, the husband of a family member was charged with possessing and distributing more than 10,000 pieces of child pornography. Police and the Department of Homeland Security raided their home and confiscated computers, cell phones and other devices. He was arrested and spent about a week in prison. He hired a very good lawyer and all charges were dropped.

His wife, our blood relative, remained next to him. She remains married to him and has no plans to leave him. She keeps us up to date on legal developments and says his lawyers believe he will not serve jail time because “he is about 70 years old and has not been previously convicted of any crimes.”

Although the charges were dropped, we are uncomfortable with him at home because there are small children present at our meetings. It is important to note that his wife never denied that he viewed and distributed these materials. She just said, “They’re making a monster out of him.” How can we support her and at the same time let her know when the time comes that he is NOT welcome? This chain of events had a devastating impact on our entire family. — DESTROYED IN THE EAST

DEAR DESTROYED: Your concern is understandable, but I have to wonder if you have presented everything accurately. On the one hand, you claim that all charges against this person have been dropped. On the other hand, you say that his lawyer believes that he will not serve time due to his age, which makes me wonder if some kind of plea agreement has occurred and he will only be required to perform community service.

You may want to provide emotional support for this family member, but if the parents of minor children believe that her husband may be a danger to them, those children need to be protected. And if that means not revealing them to the couple, then so be it.