My guide to the best sex you’ll ever have – and you won’t believe how easy it is, writes ANNA MAXTED

“We hear a lot of unusual advice about how to improve our sex lives,” says breathwork specialist Jamie Clements. “First there is: try this pose from the Kama Sutra!”

But in fact, for many, the problem is not technology, but inattention. “It’s not a problem of pleasure, it’s a problem of presence,” he says. We are distracted or stressed.

“Many of us spend so much time in our heads that we’re not really there. We don’t really like it. We don’t feel connected to ourselves or our partner.”

The solution is literally within us.

“Breathing really helps us feel more present,” says Jamie, London-based founder of The Breath Space.

“Part of this perceived lack of pleasure is due to the fact that we are disconnected from this feeling. Breathing is a very effective way to reconnect with your body, yourself and your feelings.”

Jamie knows this will sound like hot air to some.

“I know how to breathe,” you might be thinking. “I’ve been doing this successfully all my life!”

But his approach is that breathing is like posture. There is usually room for improvement, and making even the smallest changes can be extremely beneficial.

He can do a lot for us, especially in the bedroom. If you’ve ever tried to lose yourself in the arms of a loved one – but your brain keeps reminding you of the email you were supposed to send – then you may inadvertently “forget” to breathe, putting your body under stress as cortisol levels rise and passion fades. . .

Focusing on your breathing and slowing it down will help you relax and bring you back to the present moment.

Here Jamie explains how to breathe new life into lovemaking…

1. Stop holding your breath at crucial moments.

During sex, you often have to tense up and hold your breath. We often do this subconsciously, especially in the moments before orgasm.

This distracts us from the experience because in order to fully experience pleasure, we need to be in a relaxed state.

But the starting point is to become aware that you are holding your breath. Once you realize you are doing this, you can begin to change.

2. Try nasal breathing

Keeping your mouth closed and inhaling through your nose stimulates the release of nitric oxide into the bloodstream.

Nitric oxide is a vasodilator, relaxing and dilating blood vessels, it improves circulation and lowers blood pressure.

This means it can improve sexual function – in both men and women – because it increases blood flow to where it needs to go.

Nasal breathing naturally slows down our breathing and helps us relax. Inhale through your nose, down into your stomach towards your diaphragm.

3. Imagine that you are breathing deeply into your body.

Increasing the depth of our breathing during sex can put us in an optimal state of relaxation and pleasure.

If you’re tense or anxious, your breathing is likely to be short, fast, and shallow, through your mouth and into your upper chest.

Breathing deeply into your lower abdomen and pelvic floor can calm you and enhance sensations.

Although the breath does not physically reach our pelvic floor, when we visualize ourselves breathing into this space it can have a powerful effect.

(Just as if I said: close your eyes and focus your attention on the index finger of your right hand – you may soon feel a tingling and pulsating sensation in this finger.)

4. Synchronize your breath

Especially in long-term relationships, sex can become a chore—you lose spark, connection, and depth.

Breathing in sync with your partner can be an incredibly intimate and intimate experience. Sometimes it’s not even about how you breathe together, but about the fact that you intentionally sit, comfortably close, facing each other (you can be fully clothed), look into each other’s eyes and slow your breathing at the same time.

Place your hand on your partner’s chest or stomach to create a physical connection, and then breathe through your nose, beginning to slow your breathing in rhythm with each other.

Try inhaling for four seconds and exhaling for six seconds at the same time.

As your breathing becomes rhythmic, your heartbeat begins to synchronize. This is a simple and very powerful practice that can be done in pairs.

5. Incorporate this ancient practice

This is called the “microcosmic orbit”, borrowed from Taoist philosophy, and it is a simple practice.

Sit or lie down, close your eyes and focus on your pelvic floor. Then, moving your attention up through your spine to the top of your head, inhale slowly through your nose.

Exhale slowly as you look down the front of your body, between your legs. And repeat.

You create an orbit around your body. Over time, with your breathing—inhale as you rise, exhale as you descend, combining slow, deep breathing with connecting to different parts of the body—you create a cycle of sexual energy.

The macrocosmic orbit is a partner option – it is similar, but when you inhale, your partner exhales, and vice versa – when you create a sensual flow together.