Best of Miss Manners: Stop sharing our family business with people outside our family, says wife

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been dating my husband for almost five years. He has a son, about 20 years old, who still lives with us. This really, really bothers me because they both tell everyone EVERYTHING that goes on in our family.

Topics include what’s going on, good and bad, between my daughter and me; my work; if I cook dinner; if I don’t cook dinner; if I had made it to work that day; what am I talking about; what I do for fun. That’s all!

I feel like I’m living in a reality show and maybe I should be because obviously so many people are interested in everything that happens in our relationships and lives.

I told my husband and his son that I liked my privacy and that it was disrespectful for them to tell the world everything that was going on in my life. And they continue to do so.

Some of what they said were exaggerations or even lies. I feel violated and have gotten to the point where I think maybe this relationship isn’t right for me. I don’t know what to do.

GENTLE READER: Don’t you want to live in a reality show?

Miss Manners was beginning to think that everyone thought so. What is social media if not a forum where everyone can make their presence known (sometimes literally)?

Your relatives are not the only people for whom the concept of privacy does not make sense, or perhaps is just an excuse for people who are ashamed to hide themselves. The idea that one can join in celebrity culture by documenting the mundane details of one’s life or issuing newsletters in the form of press releases showcasing a magical life is ubiquitous.

So you will have to teach your family what privacy is: the enjoyment of a private family life that belongs only to you. The ability to establish your own rules and habits, without taking into account general conventions. Freedom from constant judgment from outsiders, which, especially on social media, often backfires. And so on.

Good luck trying to get them to understand. If that doesn’t work, the fallback argument is that you just don’t like living like this. If it doesn’t matter to them, then you have a bigger problem that Miss Manners can’t help you with.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners on her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndicate, 1130 Walnut Street, Kansas City, MO 64106.)