Doug Emhoff ‘changed the perception of masculinity’? Let’s turn to the Torah

In late September, the Harris campaign gave one of its relatively few interviews to a friendly source: Jen Psaki, President Biden’s former press secretary now with MSNBC. Guest: Doug Emhoff, Second Gentleman.

The most interesting aspect of the interview was the beginning of one of Psaki’s questions – when she told Emhoff that he had “changed the perception of masculinity.” She did not specify how he managed this.

Perhaps it was him who described himself on social media as a “proponent of fairness and equality,” coupled with the fact that in interviews he expressed support for “equal pay, child care, family leave, all these issues.” Perhaps this was also related to her describing him as “the guy’s wife” – a term denoting a man whose position depends on the position of his wife.

Second Gentleman Doug Emhoff listens to Vice President Kamala Harris speak to the press at Buffalo-Niagara International Airport on May 28, 2022 in New York. (Kent Nishimura/Los Angeles Times via Getty Images)

The well-known fact that Emhoff cheated on his first wife with an elementary school teacher and their child’s nanny does not seem to have affected Psaki’s respect for his manhood. Nor does the 2019 lawsuit accusing Emhoff of leading a sexual work environment hostile to women. The accusation that Emhoff publicly and powerfully hit his girlfriend in a fit of jealousy in 2012 was not taken into account – as it turned out after the interview.

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Emhoff, when asked about this on Morning Joe, did not say that as a man he would never could never hit a woman. He simply said that he “didn’t have time to push away.” In any case, the accusation and his response did not prompt Psaki to reconsider his opinion.

Psaki deserves credit for one thing: she posed the question – What is masculinity? As always, there is a source of truth worth turning to: the Torah.

The Torah calls one person “exit” – A man (as opposed to an adult male) – more than anyone else. This is Moses.

The first action we see Moses perform is found in Exodus 2:12. He witnesses injustice: an Egyptian slave owner beats a Jewish slave. Nobody interferes. The text says, “He looked hither and thither and saw that there was no man.” Moses becomes this man and kills the Egyptian.

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Shortly thereafter, a woman (like Emhoff) calls Moses a “man”—though not on MSNBC, but in Exodus 2:19. Seven young sisters come to fetch water, where they are pursued by shepherds. Moses, the text tells us, alone “saved” women. He’s not finished yet. He also “watered their sheep.”

The Bible tells us that man has physical strength and the courage to use it nobly. He also has a caring tenderness that motivates him to not only make women’s lives safe, but to make them good.

Moses is the main character in the next Torah story, and so we learn quite a bit about him. Why else, as we later learn, could Moses (like Emhoff) “change the perception of masculinity”?

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Several things come to mind:

Strong, silent type. In Exodus 2 we learn that Moses is strong. In Exodus 4, Moses tells God, “I am not a man of words.” His rhetorical abilities will develop, but he will remain an outstanding man of action.

Gratitude to strong women. How Moses survives Pharaoh’s decree to kill all Jewish boys? His mother builds a boat, puts him in it, and sails him down the Nile. His sister is tracking the boat. The pharaoh’s daughter decides to save the baby and adopt him. His sister makes an arrangement with the Pharaoh’s daughter to have his mother care for the child until he is ready for adoption.

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The commonality is summed up in the conclusion of the Talmud: “For the merits of righteous women, the Jews were ransomed from Egypt.” Moses again experiences the power of a woman when he inexplicably fails to circumcise his first son. His wife Zipporah rises to the occasion and saves the family from Divine wrath. Moses’ best friend and confidant throughout his life would be his sister Miriam.

Humility. In Numbers 12:3 the Torah says, “Moses was exceedingly humble, more than any man on earth.”

Internal criticism, external defense. Moses often criticizes his people seeking to prepare them to become free people in the Promised Land. But when God, after the sin of the Golden Calf, threatens to destroy the people and start all over again with Moses – our exit answers. He says: “Then erase me from your Torah.” A man, as Moses shows, will be the smartest, the strongest, and the bravest defender of his people against outsiders – even if he constantly works to improve them.

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Responsibility. Numbers 16 are the worst rebellion against the leadership of Moses happens. It is led by Korach, joined by Datan, Abiram and many others. God is so angry that he tells Moses and his brother Aaron to “separate” so that he can destroy everyone but them. Moses pleads with the people, saying, “Shall one man sin, and yet ye be angry with the whole congregation?” Who could this “one person” be? It cannot be Korach, since others join him. The “one man” must be Moses, who blames himself for creating the conditions in which such a rebellion could occur.

Kudos to Jen Psaki for presenting so clearly what is clearly a “changed perception of masculinity” and for giving us all the opportunity to decide which model – Moses or Doug Emhoff – is the ideal.

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