I had intrusive thoughts after having a baby

Genevieve Roberts explores the hot topics and parenting challenges she faces while raising three children in her weekly column: in the minority

When Astrid was a couple of weeks old, the thought occurred to me that I needed to definitely protect her head from the railing while I was going down the stairs with her in my arms. My instinct to keep her safe was so strong that I feared that I would clumsily overlook the size of her body still curled up in my stomach and accidentally hurt her.

Then that unwanted thought crossed my mind again: over the next weeks, perhaps hundreds or thousands of times. I was afraid that the stream of thoughts became deeper every time the railing passed through my head; I was afraid that my mind was a glitch. Was this a sign OCD? I made sure to protect Astrid on the stairs, I was confident that I could keep her safe – and I didn’t tell anyone about it.

Seven years later, five of them are in a new house, and I had completely forgotten about those railings until I read study in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, which found that the vast majority of women experience intrusive thoughts after giving birth. Many people believe their newborn was harmed. For half of women, these include thoughts of intentionally causing harm. But if these thoughts are so incredibly normal, why didn’t I know about them?

Not a single midwife during my pregnancies with Astrid, Javi and Juno, nor the brilliant course leader of the National Birth Trust, who spent an entire session learning about different painkillers during labour, mentioned that if this happens, it’s not worth dwelling on and will go away. . And I chatted for hours and I listen to my parents Share experiences of sleep deprivation, bowel movements, breastfeeding difficulties, postpartum depression, attachment to the baby, but never obsessive thoughts.

With the exception of actress Jennifer Lawrence, who mentioned her intrusive thoughts and anxiety when she increased family security after becoming a parent two years ago, I can’t think of anyone who would babble on about these unsolicited mental pictures. Why did I also remain silent? I’m a parenting columnist: it’s hardly in my nature.

I wonder if I was afraid on some level that people would doubt my ability to be a mother? I mean, I may have doubted my abilities at that moment: taking on the responsibility of a perfect, vulnerable child is a steep learning curve. I also couldn’t believe my luck: I was floating in love, but maybe part of me worried that it was too good to be true, that if I revealed my misguided thoughts, Astrid would be taken from me.

Dr Fiona Challacombe, clinical psychologist at King’s Women’s Mental Health and patron of the Maternal OCD charity, says the possibility of our baby being taken away from us is a common, deep-seated fear – “it’s on the air” – and contributes to many mothers’ silence about it. maternal mental health problems.

“If women knew that obsessive thoughts are common, it could save them a lot of suffering,” says Dr Challacombe. “Information is a very cheap intervention: many people would benefit from simply knowing that their thoughts are normal. Research shows that almost all parents have thoughts of accidental harm from time to time: What if I sleep here and roll over on them? Are they still breathing? Half of us experience thoughts of intentional harm, which are distressing and can include the baby falling, drowning or pedophilia: these are really common and even harder to talk about at postnatal meetings.”

I find it staggering that half of women imagine hurting their baby, and the thought is inherently scary because it’s the last thing they want, and no one thinks it’s important to give them a little warning and tell them what it really is. actually quite normal.

Dr Challacombe says no item suggests a more sinister mind, and says nothing about you as a parent – “there are no exceptions based on content” – rather, these are the thoughts our brains send out because that’s the last thing we we want to do. It makes sense: I went through some very awkward phases as a child and accidentally hit myself many times: my brain warning me not to do that to my daughter is a wise defense mechanism.

“We give birthimmersed in work and studying on the job without sleep – it’s quite difficult to get back on your feet. Our brain sends signals warning us of danger. Our reaction may be to hold the baby a little closer, which is their common function,” she explains.

These may be different images from psychosis, as people are more likely to be terrified of them rather than compelled to act on them, and their frequency tends to peak around eight weeks after birth and then begins to decline. I don’t remember noticing that the thoughts started to drift away, but I think it happened when Astrid was about three months old, when she became stronger and could support her head, and I became more confident in my parenting abilities.

First-time parents and people with anxiety are particularly susceptible, Dr Challacombe says. The onset can be sudden: She has met women who have been handed a baby after giving birth, and their first thought is, “What if I drop him or her?” While some researchers have suggested that a hormonal decline after birth may contribute to the rise of intrusive thoughts, Dr Challacombe says this is an oversimplification.

“Some people are particularly sensitive to hormonal changesit plays a huge role in their mood. Other people don’t have this sensitivity. The fact that new fathers get it the same way shows that this is not the whole picture,” she explains. My husband Mark told me that he had unwanted thoughts about Juno, now two years old, who fell from his arms when she was a newborn.

Most people continue to experience intrusive thoughts throughout their children’s lives. So, for example, my fear that the children will fall off the climbing frame is normal (and, as it turns out, completely rational: two of the three have lost their grip) and is not a concern unless I make sense of it and continue to let them play on them. Dr Challacombe’s daughter is 15 and wonders if she’ll catch the bus; whether they will be kind to her at school.

“We want them to be confident and independent without anything bad happening to them,” she says. “So we let them go, but we continue to protect them, which is what shapes these thoughts.” Those who are not parents will also experience intrusive thoughts: falling on train tracks or pushing someone onto train tracks is a common occurrence. “We don’t react to them, it’s just a normal invasion,” she says.

Dr Challacombe says if we start to interpret thoughts and they interfere with our lives, they can slide into OCD, which is three times more common in postpartum women than in the general population, which is why it’s important to seek help . If, for example, I stopped leaving the house to avoid stairs, or handed Astrid over to visitors so that I would never have to carry her, then support would be helpful.

“When people think about intentional harm, people get stuck when they start asking: What does this mean about me? What kind of parent am I? What we actually know is that it means you’re normal.” This is where education will be so important: many of these mothers don’t know what is normal. If your thoughts and urges occupy an hour a day, or you find yourself checking on your child every two minutes, for example, or if they result in you avoiding going out, ruminating, or interfering with your life, then it is important to seek help for OCD symptoms ”

If intrusive thoughts are negatively affecting you, Dr. Challacombe recommends exploring the topic and allowing yourself to ignore your thoughts. Talk to people you trust, rather than keeping it a shameful secret.

I mention midwife’s friend that no one ever chatted to me about intrusive thoughts during pregnancy. “It’s not mentioned in any training, and we don’t usually talk about it with women,” she tells me. “If someone is being looked after by a perinatal mental health team, then that would potentially be covered.”

Imagine if midwives were trained to take 10 minutes to explain intrusive thoughts, just as they take the time to ask anyone with a partner if they are a victim of abuse or if they feel afraid at home. This simple and inexpensive intervention can reduce the surge of OCD in mothers.

I’m hoping to find out from the Nursing and Midwifery Council why this isn’t included in midwife training: they haven’t responded to my requests for clarification yet, but it seems like such a simple adjustment with such a big benefit. The Council works with educational institutions and practice partners who set curriculum.

Claire Livingstone, professional policy and public health consultant at the Royal College of Midwifery, agrees that mental health needs to be given priority.

“Recognizing that perinatal mental disorders are now the most common complication of childbirth, the relationship between women and the specialist midwife or perinatal mental health service should be protected to ensure sufficient time for a thorough assessment of mental health and well-being with equal weight given to the assessment of physical risk “, she says.

I hope that the Nursing and Midwifery Council works with its partners to urgently change the curriculum so that all expectant parents are informed about the likelihood of intrusive thoughts in the early months of parenthood and are reassured that if uninvited thoughts enter their mind, including thoughts of intentional harm – this is not something to be afraid of. If local foundations support this, we could see a huge improvement in parents’ mental health. My hope is that in the coming years, parents will not be afraid if they experience increased intrusive thoughts, but will recognize them simply for what they are: little warnings from our brains to be careful.