I ask Eric: How can I get this cousin to stop making so many memes, TikToks?

Dear Eric: My husband does not live in the country in which he was born. Because of this, I tried to contact his family. We visited his family over the years and vice versa. He has a cousin who asked if we could stay in touch through the messaging app WhatsApp and her husband also asked to be included in the list. Big!

Unfortunately, his wife uses the app to send every TikTok video she’s interested in and every prayer printed on her links. I’m a Christian and I love the Lord, but I don’t need 12 messages a day about anything from anyone.

Since my family is very tight-knit, I don’t want to break the few connections he has, but I also don’t want to go crazy by continuing to be involved in his cousin’s distribution business. – WhatsAppPremonition

Dear WhatsApp resolution: We need a global conference on chat etiquette. Memes have gotten out of control.

Here you have several options. If she sends memes and videos directly, you can ask her to take you out of rotation for the sake of your data, your notifications, or to keep you from getting distracted. It’s hard to be offended when someone says they simply don’t have the capacity (mental or technological) for every online find.

You can also mute her for a while, checking in when you need to chat or if you suddenly have the urge to watch five hours of TikToks in a row. Of course, this option has its pitfalls – what if she sends an important message amid barrage? But I’ve found that people who treat messaging apps like they’re syllabiing a course in digital treasures don’t expect a response to every one of them.

One of the best features of WhatsApp is that you can mute it for a specific amount of time – eight hours, a week, or until you unmute it. So, if you don’t feel like talking to her, consider taking a week off and checking the prayer links every Sunday.

Dear Eric: My 35-year-old brother Jeff lives in another state and has been dating and living with his 25-year-old girlfriend for five years. Over the years, he flew to our home several times, but never took her with him to a meeting.

At the beginning of the relationship she was very abusive towards him. One day he arrested her and threw her into prison. He admitted that he did not love her and was no longer attracted to her, but continued his relationship with her. He clearly gives us no reason to support his relationship.

Our mother paid for an all-inclusive family trip for him, our (only) brother, my husband and me. She didn’t invite his girlfriend because she had never met either of us. “Jeff” took offense at this and decided that he would not go on vacation.

He and I had an argument because he told me that our mother deliberately didn’t invite a girl just to upset him, but I know that’s not true because our mother was very bothered by her decision and her approach to it.

So now our biggest fears have come true. He doesn’t talk to any of us. He completely isolated himself with a girl thousands of miles away. I know that he has no friends, so he depends on her. I miss him and am very concerned about his well-being. I know he won’t welcome me with open arms because I’m not supportive of his relationship, but how should I approach him to try to reconcile? – Worried about Baby Bro

Dear Concerned: The easiest way here may not be the best. It seems likely that, given his reality, his girlfriend is “part of the family”; the problems of the past do not exist – he will come to terms with it. But this doesn’t help anyone.

Jeff has made it very clear about the problems he faces in his relationships (some of which are of his own making) and he has made no effort to join the two houses. The friend is a stranger who has been repeatedly assaulted. Why would you turn it on?

His isolation may also have been part of the abuse. To begin to rebuild your bridge, you need to focus on the relationship you have with Jeff as siblings. Tell him you missed him and what you appreciate about him. Tell him that you would like to be in each other’s lives again.

See if you can prevent this conversation from becoming too focused on one issue. The main ideas are that you love him, care about him and miss him. From there, you can then start asking probing questions about how he’s feeling and how he can get the help he needs to put this behind him.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him at Instagram and subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.