Dear Abby | End of year celebrations go off the rails

Dear Abby: I chaired an event with a local service organization. Many hours were spent planning and decorating. During the program, several participants playfully began throwing objects from the central area at the guest speakers. By the end of the program, most of the room’s furnishings had been dismantled and were lying on the floor.

My committee had a cleanup job to do, which was difficult and tedious. We felt like the many hours we had put into planning and hard work were disrespected by these childish antics. It was an end of year program, recruiting new officers and celebrating the wonderful previous year, and there’s always some light-hearted shenanigans. But I’ve never experienced complete chaos before. Should I say something or chalk it up to celebrating a successful end to the year?

— stunned in Texas

DEAR AMAZED: Were these carefree participants drunk or simply disorderly? “Carelessly” destroying centerpieces and throwing parts of them at the speakers? How disrespectful to everyone involved, not to mention the potential danger! I don’t think what happened should be ignored. Either way, speak up. You and the other committee members certainly have the right to tell the perpetrators how you felt. You’re not the only person who’s stunned. Me too.

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Dear Abby: How do I tell my friend “Lila” that I think she would be happier if she got divorced? To be clear, I don’t think her relationship is unsafe – it’s just unhappy. Things haven’t been going smoothly with my wife for some time now. They keep trying to solve something, but every few months something new appears or becomes a problem again.

Leela cares deeply for her wife. She really wants to make things work, but I keep hearing that she feels neglected and unattractive because of the way her wife treats her. Obviously I’m only hearing half the story, but it seems like Leela is making every effort to make the relationship work and her wife isn’t responding in kind.

Part of the problem may be that Lila is introverted and doesn’t have many friends other than her wife and me, which may be why she clings so tightly to these relationships. I think they would both be happier if they stopped trying to save the marriage and became friends again, but I don’t know how to tell Lila this, or whether I should. Please help.

— AUDITIONS IN MARYLAND

DEAR HEARING: Stay away from this. At this moment, Lila needs a friend and support, and not a life mentor. If her marriage is as dysfunctional as you described, she will sooner or later figure out whether it’s time to “turn things back” or end it. Understand that when divorce occurs, most couples do not “go back to friends” unless there are children in the marriage.

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Dear Abby: What can I buy for Christmas for my brother who has terminal cancer? Nothing seems right to him – not music, not books, not other things that he always liked. I’m confused. Any thoughts?

— Sad in Oregon

DEAR SAD: I’m so sorry about your brother’s diagnosis. The surest way to give him something he will like is to ask him what he wants. His activities may be reduced, but he can point you in the right direction.